Holidays are Here; Roll that Feeling of Magic

I love the holidays; to me personally, they've never really been centered on a religious theme, although I know that's the main gist of Christmas in this country. It has always seemed that the feeling of togetherness hangs a little thicker in the air at this time of year. It's this magical feeling, this collective energy, that makes strangers talk to each other a little more often, acts of kindness a little more frequent, and happy moments seem just a little bit longer than usual. (Yes, I am choosing to completely ignore the Black Friday plague that we've all just lived through--because nothing says magical feeling like trampling people for cheap-ass TVs and clothing, built by practical slave labor on foreign soils. End rant.)

This year, I feel like we could use a little more of this magical feeling than normal, that collective energy is running a bit low; we're not doing so hot in this country right now with the whole togetherness thing, are we? We're divided on so many issues, and that just simply makes me sad. Although we tout with pride that "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness," our American way of life doesn't hold up to this profession.

Apparently it isn't as self-evident or unalienable as we'd like to think. We still have a race problem; the ones you hear denying this fact are, for the most part, white, and ironically and single-handedly reinforcing the fact they are so adamantly denying. (For the record, if you begin a sentence with "I'm not racist, but...." you might consider taking a moment or ten of self-reflection on what you are about to say.) LGBT are still not allowed the pursuit of their happiness in many places because of false teachings, misunderstandings, and fear. (It is time we put many of these worn-out objections to rest) Our nation still teeters on the fence concerning issues of religion; we can either be a nation that hold the freedom of and from religion paramount, or we can be a theocracy--but we cannot be both. We must decide.

We still hold great potential as a nation, there is a diversity here that I simply adore. This diversity can be a strength to all of us, but lately, it has been a point of weakness as discriminations, prejudices, and hypocrisies fly in every direction. The choice is ours--it is an individual choice that starts within our daily lives; this magical season is as good as any to start making choices of unity, peace, and togetherness, with justice and liberty for all. One, two, three, go.

The Day I Saw the KKK

When I was young, I remember sitting in the backseat of our car looking out the window as we drove home from church. As pop drove up to the stoplight by the court square, I recall seeing the men dressed in white cloaks and pointy white hats. There were several other members standing on the corners, and one came towards our green station wagon. I think they must have been collecting money or something; as far as I recall, pop didn’t roll down the window, but kept looking straight ahead. I was scared; me, a little white girl in rural Tennessee, was scared.

(I remember being quite small when this event occurred, but my mom said I would have been in the seventh grade. She also said I could be remembering a time when I was small as well; sadly, it happened more than once.)

I was born and raised in the south. I’ve not always been comfortable telling people this fact. I grew up in a small town in West Tennessee, and I saw blatant discriminations on display regularly. I grew up hearing about "The War of Northern Aggression," (known as The Civil War to most) and I am very familiar with the bumper sticker that states "The South Will Rise Again." I am more grateful than ever before to have been born to parents who loved all--no matter what color, ethnicity, or background--but the same was not always true for the culture in which I was raised. One smaller town close by even boasted that the last colored person who had dared to set foot in that town was taught a lesson.

Blacks and whites, for the most part, lived separately. Many of the black residents of our town lived in black bottom, (yes, it was really called that) and whites didn’t go there often. The races married within their kind (again, that’s how it was stated) for the children’s sake, supposedly; white women who married black men were looked down upon. I remember visiting a black church on their side of town on a few occasions; our white church had joined with a black church in an attempt to overcome the religious/racial segregation that still stood firm. 

Quite by ironic accident, I watched 12 Years a Slave and Freedom Riders (A Documentary on the Civil Rights Era) on the day of the Ferguson grand jury decision. I watched as protests erupted, even here in New York, and opinions spread like wildfire. It is somewhat disturbing that I hear some of the exact phrases used in modern events as in the historical films I watched. Do we really not learn? Whether or not you believe there was a gross injustice served in Ferguson, Missouri in this decision, we cannot keep pretending we don’t have problems in this area of race. I grew up in the midst of racism; I know what it looks like.

Chris Rock said it quite well in a recent interview: “we treat racism in this country like it’s a style that America went through. Like flared legs and lava lamps. Oh, that crazy thing we did. We were hanging black people. We treat it like a fad instead of a disease that eradicates millions of people. You’ve got to get it at a lab, and study it, and see its origins, and see what it’s immune to and what breaks it down.”

I’ve been more than a bit troubled as this recent news in our country unfolds. I sincerely struggle to wrap my mind around all that is going on, and I find myself wrestling with how to respond. I even find that I am having trouble writing this blog, because I’m frustrated by our lack of collective compassion, I’m feeling helpless and a bit hopeless that we’ll see our way through this, and if I’m going to be honest, I’m angry—angry that some vocal whites still have a superiority complex in this country and many have been acting like asses. I even find it hard to chant my mantra of “we’re better than this,” because our history does not necessarily back me up on this stance. So I find myself modifying this mantra lately: I still believe we can be better than this.

It is a time for self-reflection and voices joined together for peace. I believe the voices that desire peace are more numerous than those divisive voices, from all viewpoints that spread violence and spew hate, but perhaps, it is time to raise our voices of peace and togetherness to a new volume. 

A Peace of our Own

Over the last few weeks, equality has taken off into a sprint. Amongst the gays being blamed for Ebola, paper cuts, the common cold, and the decline of straight marriage, (I made up the middle two) many people, who may have previously held other opinions, have started to see the value of equality along with the illogical-ness of inequality. They’ve evolved, to use a common phrase. This is beautiful to me. In this sense, evolving means that you have invested time in thinking through aspects of a certain topic and have come to a conclusion different from the one previously held because of new information or insight. This is the exact mindset that I believe will lead us to a more peaceful society. And although the voices of the naysayers are often blaring, their numbers are minuscule and shrinking.

I have evolved, gratefully so. Many of my family members and friends have evolved as well. This makes me happy. We all grew up being fed the same [mis]information, but most of us have succeeded in thinking through things life with logical, compassion, and honesty. These are three key ingredients, I believe. The nature of my journey was one that led me out of religion before I was ever able to acknowledge that I was gay, (these two journeys were related, but not dependent upon one another) but many others have clung to their faith while coming out; at times, it has been their greatest comfort, but yet, sadly, their condemner. I hold a sincere compassion for these who have stayed within their faiths, their resilience is commendable. Thankfully, many, many people of faiths are evolving. A great deal of this evolution has been spurred on from the realization that someone they love is, in fact, gay. This has been the big bang in many evolutions including mine.

It is much easier to condemn what you do not first love. It must be easy to say, I will raise my child “right” and they will not “become” gay, but it is a completely different journey to shed tears over that child you love, as you watch them being torn apart inside by self-condemnation, as they try to rid themselves of this supposed evil to no avail. It saddens me to see family members choose their man-interpreted beliefs over that precious son, daughter, brother, or sister, but it happens. What a shame.

Today, specifically within the Christian faith, there are voices rising up to guide the way towards logic, compassion, and honesty concerning the issue of homosexuality. (Although I am speaking specifically on this issue, this process of evolution can be used for most of today’s dividing topics.) I will link to them below because I see this as extremely important. It is time to put this issue to rest. Having lived most of my life as a devoted follower of Christ, ministers’ kid and, later, minister, I am all too familiar with the teachings that are there, but I am also familiar with the harm many of these teachings are still doing. Far too many Christians, straight or gay, out or closeted, live their lives in the grips of self-condemnation. As I mentioned earlier it is time to evolve towards peace. Peace is achieved not through religion, but through allowing each other the freedom to search out this peace through their own journey. The my-religion-is-the-absolute-truth mentality can be seen in the backdrop of many of today’s un-peaceful situations throughout our world.

The day I looked inward and realized the restlessness within my own soul, was a day that filled me with compassion for others. Seeing my judgmental heart towards others’ journey (disguised with religious jargon) broke part of the hold that religion had held upon me. This journey inward frightened me at first, but yet led me to a depth of happiness I had not known. I want peace for myself and for you as an individual. I want peace for our nations and peoples in turmoil and for this earth itself. It is time we stop dictating others’ journey towards peace and start living our own path of peace. Only then, do I believe we will find the collective peace we all seek. 

Give these some thought:

John Shore

Kathy Baldock--Canyon Walker Connection

Matthew Vines--The Gay Debate

Peace to you. 

No Christians Were Harmed...

Forgive my absence. I have been in training for a new (and wonderful) job that has occupied my brain for the last few weeks. I've made my wife suffer through the daily recap of my trainings, so I'll spare you the pain. 

What a week this has been though. Two years ago, before we married, we were discussing marriage equality over dinner. Being much more optimistic, my wife had said we'd see equality in Kentucky in just a few years; I disagreed and said it would be at least ten more years. While equality has not yet found its way into Kentucky, at least officially, I believe my wife was much more accurate than me in my pessimistic view. 

Moving to New York and finally having the freedom to marry the soul that made me come alive was such a freeing moment. Equality once again leaped forward this week...and what a leap it was! Beautiful friends in Oklahoma could finally get married. We watched a video as they told their young daughter, and the joy in her eyes was captivating. I can't stop thinking about their beautiful little family and how utterly wrong it was to deny them marriage. I imagine all the wonderful moments they share with their bright, feisty young daughter and how those precious moments will shape her into a loving, compassionate, productive member of society. They were already a family in the truest sense of the word, but now they will have the legal acknowledgement and protection that just might help them sleep a little easier at night. 

Part of my new training was, as expected, a series on discrimination and workplace harassment. The day I realized that I was in such a protected category was an odd feeling. Having never really dealt with any sort of discrimination, except the common gender discrimination within religion, it truly changed my perspective and was quite a moving experience. The training was beautifully done and set in a tone of fairness, respect, and inclusion. It even went a bit further to discuss, in great detail, religious and non-religious discrimination. After one of the sessions, one of my new co-workers said that it is sad that such things have to be taught. He went on to explain that one's own integrity and common courtesy should guide a person towards respecting others' life, choices, and happiness. We agreed that this world would be so much more peaceful, if we focused on living our own lives and finding our own happiness instead of dictating how others should live theirs.

Amongst the bombardment of same-sex-marriage-is-from-satan backlash that followed this past weeks' equality leap, my co-workers' words came back to me. We've got to get past this kind of thinking for our own good. In no shape, form, or fashion, did my friends' new marriage hurt anyone. Period. No Christians were harmed in the making of this marriage. Just fyi, as far as I know, these two beautiful souls are Christians, so chew on that for a while. (And just a little extra food for thought while you're chewing: one of the most astonishing illustrations of this week paralleled the states of the sixties that were against interracial marriage; sadly, it was almost identical to those of today that still defiantly stand so strongly against marriage equality...this needs to be given some serious thought.)

We are all guided by some sort of personal belief and moral compass. What guides you, does not necessarily have to guide me. I try to look at it from a common good standpoint, and when my personal belief starts slapping you in the face, or worse...causing harm, I have crossed the line. (Social issues take on a particularly harmful tone when they become underpinned with religious beliefs.) We can do this, you know? We can learn to live peaceable with each other, but we must first remember to respect others' beliefs and way of life as we respect our own. Or as someone else one said, "So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets." (Matt. 7:12)

And with that, I leave you these beautiful numbers. Peace to you.
(freedomtomarry.org)

In 30 states - AK, CA, CO, CT, DE, HI, ID, IA, IL, IN, ME, MD, MA, MN, NC, NH, NJ, NM, NV, NY, OK, OR, PA, RI, UT, VA, VT, WA, WV and WI, plus Washington, D.C. - same-sex couples have the freedom to marry. 

In an additional five states - AZ, KS, MT, SC, and WY - federal appellate rulings have set a binding precedent in favor of the freedom to marry, meaning the path is cleared for the freedom to marry there.

In an additional 8 states, judges have issued rulings in favor of the freedom to marry, with many of these rulings now stayed as they proceed to appellate courts: In AR, FL, KY, MI, and TX, judges have struck down marriage bans, and in LA, OH and TN, judges have issued more limited pro-marriage rulings.

In MO, the marriages of same-sex couples legally performed in other states are respected. 

Our Agenda

I heard someone mention "the gay agenda" this week. (I was waiting for the Adam and Steve joke to follow) After I realized that I had not been sucked up into a time machine and whisked back to the 70s, I was amused, but a bit saddened. I found myself wondering if the person who spoke these words actually believed them to be true, or if they were just regurgitating talking points as I had done for so many years. I found myself asking, aren't we past this yet?

Growing up, I heard about the gay agenda, although I admittedly never saw it in action. (I've also never seen a unicorn.) It carried a similar level of fear as the the bubonic plague. Not knowing any better and trying so hard to be straight, I was perplexed by this secret agenda. What were they trying to do? Why were they trying to do it? I find a small amount of amusement in this now. I look at our [beautiful] life, and see how utterly agenda-less and boring it might seem to a random outsider, and I just have to laugh.

When will we learn that equality equals a better society for all of us, not just gays and other minorities? I'll put your mind to rest; there is no gay agenda besides being allowed to live and and love in peace. The only agenda in my life is centered upon loving my wife, being happy and fulfilled, doing a bit of traveling, remembering to buy eggs on my way home from work, and living as a productive member of society as we work towards peace. Our Monday agenda is to get through the week. Our Friday night agenda, providing we can stay awake after our long week, usually includes a glass of wine and a movie or perhaps a game of scrabble; more often than not, we end up crashed out on the couch like the old married couple we seem to be. (I shocked a customer last week by telling them we don't own a television--we just prefer our simple life.)

Our future plans don’t consist of world domination, but of a house with a small balcony, fresh grown herbs, and summers in southern France. This sounds frighteningly similar to many other married couples, no matter what the sexual make-up. Imagine that. And meanwhile, we are totally happy in the center of our somewhat boring, agenda-less life. That is not to say we don’t attend rallies, volunteer at local LGBTQ organizations, and post pointed messages on social media concerning issues that are important to us, but there is no gay agenda to someday rule the world, turn everyone gay, and drag everyone to hell in our own personal hand-basket. (besides, I’m horrible at basket weaving) This is just silly thinking, and we’d all be better off if we could get past these ideas and work together towards peace. 

How is this for an agenda? I want to be able to say I left this place better than I found it. I want fewer people in poverty, I want more children enabled with a solid education and food in their bellies as they drift off to sleep; I want less human trafficking and an end to child pornography, and I want someone whose life doesn’t fit the status quo to be able to live his/her life in a way that brings them peace, happiness and fulfillment. If this sounds like an agenda you can agree with, feel free to jump on my band wagon, there’s always room for more.

A flashback moment -- Vicky Beeching comes out

Vicky Beeching. The name might not sound all that familiar to you, but when I saw her name in my news feed this week, my world paused…in a good way. She was a quick link back to my former days.

While there are many things I do not miss about the religious world, I sometimes miss the music and the worship times if I’m honest. Everyone has their thing that brings them peace and music has always been mine. During worship, I would be carried away, seemingly far from my cares, doubts, and misgivings, and my soul was comforted. Along with my role as youth minister, I spent a large portion of my ministry years on the worship team. I would throw myself into learning every single element of each song and play them with all the passion within on Sunday mornings.

Having placed distance between myself and those experiences, I now feel that it was the musical experience that was my refuge more than the act of worship. I have the same euphoric experience when I listen to The Phantom of the Opera, John Legend, and yes, even Idina Menzel’s Let It Go. (Don’t judge!) I am moved to the depths of my being by certain music and lyrics; I am moved by the raw emotion that lies within some songs.

What does this have to do with Vicky Beeching? In the height of my worship team career, Vicky Beeching was one of the songwriters leading the way out of England. She wrote touching songs about her relationship with God. Her songs held that element of honesty that moves me. In short, she was one of my favs.  This week, she came out publicly with a story that feels so familiar, yet is uniquely hers. She told of humiliating experiences as she tried to rid herself of this unwanted (thanks to rubbish teachings), bouts of self-hatred, and the toll that hiding one’s true self will eventually take on a soul.

I was quite surprised and I can imagine the surprise that is rippling through worship teams at this moment. The dilemma? Beeching penned many of the most popular songs sung in contemporary churches today. Through her lyrics she brought people to a side of God that is loving, forgiving, and kind. She is loved among many of the contemporary worship teams of today, but a portion of these Christians will feel the need to write her off because of her newly exposed life of sin. The boycott buzz is already 'buzzin'. But I see a bright side: another face within the Christian circle that is already known, loved, and respected has come out. With each new face, it becomes harder to justify the unfounded and, quite frankly, worn-out stance against homosexuality. Another soul has stood up to the illogical and misguided teachings within the Church and that soul has said, enough, I am through hiding who I am. She wants to be truly and freely herself as she continues to worship her God.

Bravo and peace to her and to all the other souls who are tired of hiding. Equality makes this a better world for us all.

Here is her story.