Come Thou Fount

Sunday mornings are simply beautiful. I wake up late, I try to cook up a spectacular breakfast, we drink a peaceful cup of coffee, catch up on the news, and we just take....our....time. Our tiny space in New York is situated within a short walk to several churches; throughout the morning we are serenaded by church bells. More often than not, they are hymns that I have known and still believe to be beautiful pieces of music.  Yesterday was no exception; Come Thou Fount filled the neighborhood and I was taken back to my fondness of this particular hymn and the emotions it once stirred within.

During my last few years of ministry, many of these hymns received a modernization, if you will, by many of the popular worship leaders/musicians of that time. Come Thou Fount  received a most beautiful "upgrade" by David Crowder Band. (beautiful in my humble opinion) We played it often on Sunday mornings. Here is a section of the lyrics: (emphasis is mine)

Come, Thou Fount of every blessing,

Tune my heart to sing Thy grace;

Streams of mercy, never ceasing,

Call for songs of loudest praise.

Teach me some melodious sonnet,

Sung by flaming tongues above.

Praise the mount! I’m fixed upon it,

Mount of Thy redeeming love.

O to grace how great a debtor

Daily I'm constrained to be!

Let Thy goodness, like a fetter,

Bind my wandering heart to Thee:

Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,

Prone to leave the God I love;

Here's my heart, O take and seal it;

Seal it for Thy courts above.

Yesterday, as this tune echoed throughout the neighborhood, I remembered how passionately I once sang this song. In Leaving God; Finding Me, I describe my struggle with doubt--my wandering heart, as it were--and I recalled the desperation within as I sang these lines above. I desired to be fixed. It was a bit of a frantic prayer to a God that I wasn't sure existed. I was convinced that the doubt I carried was some fault of mine. I'd done something wrong. Somewhere along the way I'd missed a key ingredient in my experience, and I just needed to figure out what I was missing in order to stop the constant stream of doubt. Lucky for me, that day never came. 

The Sunday morning church bells remind me just how much my life has changed in ten years. They remind me of the profound peace I now enjoy; they remind me of how happy I am to be honestly and fully me without the constant doubts and striving. My journey towards peace led me out of religion, but others have found their peace while staying in their religion. The important part of this thing called life is this honesty within one's own soul that allows for each journey to be experienced with an air of acceptance and understanding. When we allow each other the room to breath and walk the path within our hearts, we become stronger as a whole. 

A flashback moment -- Vicky Beeching comes out

Vicky Beeching. The name might not sound all that familiar to you, but when I saw her name in my news feed this week, my world paused…in a good way. She was a quick link back to my former days.

While there are many things I do not miss about the religious world, I sometimes miss the music and the worship times if I’m honest. Everyone has their thing that brings them peace and music has always been mine. During worship, I would be carried away, seemingly far from my cares, doubts, and misgivings, and my soul was comforted. Along with my role as youth minister, I spent a large portion of my ministry years on the worship team. I would throw myself into learning every single element of each song and play them with all the passion within on Sunday mornings.

Having placed distance between myself and those experiences, I now feel that it was the musical experience that was my refuge more than the act of worship. I have the same euphoric experience when I listen to The Phantom of the Opera, John Legend, and yes, even Idina Menzel’s Let It Go. (Don’t judge!) I am moved to the depths of my being by certain music and lyrics; I am moved by the raw emotion that lies within some songs.

What does this have to do with Vicky Beeching? In the height of my worship team career, Vicky Beeching was one of the songwriters leading the way out of England. She wrote touching songs about her relationship with God. Her songs held that element of honesty that moves me. In short, she was one of my favs.  This week, she came out publicly with a story that feels so familiar, yet is uniquely hers. She told of humiliating experiences as she tried to rid herself of this unwanted (thanks to rubbish teachings), bouts of self-hatred, and the toll that hiding one’s true self will eventually take on a soul.

I was quite surprised and I can imagine the surprise that is rippling through worship teams at this moment. The dilemma? Beeching penned many of the most popular songs sung in contemporary churches today. Through her lyrics she brought people to a side of God that is loving, forgiving, and kind. She is loved among many of the contemporary worship teams of today, but a portion of these Christians will feel the need to write her off because of her newly exposed life of sin. The boycott buzz is already 'buzzin'. But I see a bright side: another face within the Christian circle that is already known, loved, and respected has come out. With each new face, it becomes harder to justify the unfounded and, quite frankly, worn-out stance against homosexuality. Another soul has stood up to the illogical and misguided teachings within the Church and that soul has said, enough, I am through hiding who I am. She wants to be truly and freely herself as she continues to worship her God.

Bravo and peace to her and to all the other souls who are tired of hiding. Equality makes this a better world for us all.

Here is her story.