No Christians Were Harmed...

Forgive my absence. I have been in training for a new (and wonderful) job that has occupied my brain for the last few weeks. I've made my wife suffer through the daily recap of my trainings, so I'll spare you the pain. 

What a week this has been though. Two years ago, before we married, we were discussing marriage equality over dinner. Being much more optimistic, my wife had said we'd see equality in Kentucky in just a few years; I disagreed and said it would be at least ten more years. While equality has not yet found its way into Kentucky, at least officially, I believe my wife was much more accurate than me in my pessimistic view. 

Moving to New York and finally having the freedom to marry the soul that made me come alive was such a freeing moment. Equality once again leaped forward this week...and what a leap it was! Beautiful friends in Oklahoma could finally get married. We watched a video as they told their young daughter, and the joy in her eyes was captivating. I can't stop thinking about their beautiful little family and how utterly wrong it was to deny them marriage. I imagine all the wonderful moments they share with their bright, feisty young daughter and how those precious moments will shape her into a loving, compassionate, productive member of society. They were already a family in the truest sense of the word, but now they will have the legal acknowledgement and protection that just might help them sleep a little easier at night. 

Part of my new training was, as expected, a series on discrimination and workplace harassment. The day I realized that I was in such a protected category was an odd feeling. Having never really dealt with any sort of discrimination, except the common gender discrimination within religion, it truly changed my perspective and was quite a moving experience. The training was beautifully done and set in a tone of fairness, respect, and inclusion. It even went a bit further to discuss, in great detail, religious and non-religious discrimination. After one of the sessions, one of my new co-workers said that it is sad that such things have to be taught. He went on to explain that one's own integrity and common courtesy should guide a person towards respecting others' life, choices, and happiness. We agreed that this world would be so much more peaceful, if we focused on living our own lives and finding our own happiness instead of dictating how others should live theirs.

Amongst the bombardment of same-sex-marriage-is-from-satan backlash that followed this past weeks' equality leap, my co-workers' words came back to me. We've got to get past this kind of thinking for our own good. In no shape, form, or fashion, did my friends' new marriage hurt anyone. Period. No Christians were harmed in the making of this marriage. Just fyi, as far as I know, these two beautiful souls are Christians, so chew on that for a while. (And just a little extra food for thought while you're chewing: one of the most astonishing illustrations of this week paralleled the states of the sixties that were against interracial marriage; sadly, it was almost identical to those of today that still defiantly stand so strongly against marriage equality...this needs to be given some serious thought.)

We are all guided by some sort of personal belief and moral compass. What guides you, does not necessarily have to guide me. I try to look at it from a common good standpoint, and when my personal belief starts slapping you in the face, or worse...causing harm, I have crossed the line. (Social issues take on a particularly harmful tone when they become underpinned with religious beliefs.) We can do this, you know? We can learn to live peaceable with each other, but we must first remember to respect others' beliefs and way of life as we respect our own. Or as someone else one said, "So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets." (Matt. 7:12)

And with that, I leave you these beautiful numbers. Peace to you.
(freedomtomarry.org)

In 30 states - AK, CA, CO, CT, DE, HI, ID, IA, IL, IN, ME, MD, MA, MN, NC, NH, NJ, NM, NV, NY, OK, OR, PA, RI, UT, VA, VT, WA, WV and WI, plus Washington, D.C. - same-sex couples have the freedom to marry. 

In an additional five states - AZ, KS, MT, SC, and WY - federal appellate rulings have set a binding precedent in favor of the freedom to marry, meaning the path is cleared for the freedom to marry there.

In an additional 8 states, judges have issued rulings in favor of the freedom to marry, with many of these rulings now stayed as they proceed to appellate courts: In AR, FL, KY, MI, and TX, judges have struck down marriage bans, and in LA, OH and TN, judges have issued more limited pro-marriage rulings.

In MO, the marriages of same-sex couples legally performed in other states are respected. 

Us and us

In preparing for my transfer (to a closer-to-home store) I wanted to make sure that a few of my customers found out from me, personally. I had wondered how many of these pleasant souls were aware of the fact that their presence throughout my day makes all the difference in the world sometimes. All of them are regulars, if not every day, at least four times per week. They stand in front of my bar, with a smile and pleasant tone of voice, as they wait, (and often wait and wait and wait) for me to make their drink. We talk about everything from sick kids to soccer to global warming to international affairs, and they are truly the bright spots in my always busy, often hectic, sometimes downright chaotic, days at work.

I am acutely aware of how these regulars brighten my day, but I guess I often forget that I do the same for them. One customer, who always has a particularly encouraging manner, and who also shares my love of soccer, told me that he had been “bummed out” when I told him I was transferring the day before. Unbeknownst to me, he had had several particularly difficult days over the past few months and he told me that his brief encounters/chats with me as I made his drink had helped him through those days.

What a beautiful reminder. The people I encounter and who encounter me, will most often walk away feeling something no matter how small the encounter. Perhaps it can be neutral, but more often than not, the tone of our days are either brightened or smudged, and in turn, our actions and words either brighten or smudge someone else’s day life.

It has made me think on the ethic of reciprocity. Think of how many belief systems are in this world. (A web search on this topic will completely overwhelm your brain) Most, if not all, have some sort of do unto others clause. Some of my favorite versions:

• All things are our relatives; what we do to everything, we do to ourselves. All is really One." Black Elk (Native American Spirituality)
• The law imprinted on the hearts of all men is to love the members of society as themselves. (Roman Pagan Religion)
• An it harm no one, do what thou wilt. (The Wiccan Rede)
• Whatever is disagreeable to yourself do not do unto others.  Shayast-na-Shayast 13:29 (Zoroastrianism)
• Hurt not others in ways that you yourself would find hurtful. Udana-Varga 5:18 (Buddhism)
• Therefore all things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them: for this is the law and the prophets. Matthew 7:12 (Christianity)
• Tse-kung asked, 'Is there one word that can serve as a principle of conduct for life?' Confucius replied, 'It is the word 'shu' -- reciprocity. Do not impose on others what you yourself do not desire.' Doctrine of the Mean 13.3 (Confucianism)
• This is the sum of duty: do not do to others what would cause pain if done to you. Mahabharata 5:1517 (Hinduism)

We could talk all day about our human failures in this arena, or our personal exception clauses that we tack on for our own convenience, (gay, foreigner, non-believer, etc) but this concept is the essence of a peace-filled world. This is not a religious thing, it is a human thing. Whether we like it or not, we are in this thing together. My mom used to tell us something similar when we would argue as kids. “Whether you like it or not, we’re a family, and we will get along in this house.” It's the same thing on a larger scale. (Except there's no tough mom to make us sit on the couch until we agree to hug each other) If we hurt one another, we are hurting the whole, which in turn is hurting us for we are a part of that whole. We need to get this. We must get this if we are going to survive on this planet together. Recent events in Ferguson, Gaza, Iraq, and everyday Main Street should serve as a mirror for us. We need to look long and hard at who we are becoming. There is no us and them; this is a deceptive illusion. There is only us and...us. 

*This list and many other wonderful topics of discussion can be found at ReligiousTolerance.org.