CoExist

Coexist. This concept has always made a lot of sense to me. I’ve heard sermons concerning the dangers of such ideas, but I struggled to align myself with such viewpoints. Yes, probably because I was already struggling with the actual existence of a one true god, but even as a missionary, yes, you read that correctly, I struggled to find the words I needed to condemn another’s faith. I had a hard time wrapping my head around the concept of the absolute rightness of my religion and the absolute wrongness of yours. This viewpoint, no matter what religious label you wear, brings strife and violence into situations, while most of us simple long for peace.

Recently, at the National Prayer Breakfast, (I will not even touch the shady lines between church and state at this point) President Obama caused quite a stir by speaking on religions in general as instruments of good, but also of deplorable evils. (Notably, a small section of an otherwise very Christian speech.) Those offended by these comments have gone off the deep end to defend Christianity as nothing like those other horrible religions that do harm. Seriously though, we can’t honestly believe this, right? Are we so far removed from history that we’ve forgotten the horrors caused in the name of Christ? This is not to point a judgmental finger towards Christianity, all religions have followers who use their distorted beliefs as justification for atrocities, but it is to point our focus towards the broader picture. Denying Christianity’s evil side, as it were, seems only to lead to the weakening of a Christian’s actual witness. Any and all religions have one major ingredient in common…humans. And like anything else that humans are even remotely involved in, there will be beautiful potential for good and a shocking potential for evil.

Last week, I met a charming old man from Egypt. As I worked, we talked and laughed about nothing in particular; from start to finish we spent, perhaps, only ten minutes together. I’m quite sure we’ll never meet again, but before he left, he reached up and grabbed my hand across the counter. As he looked directly into my eyes, he said, “Thank you for being kind. I don’t get that from many people.” Then he turned and walked away. The intense look in his eyes is still with me. This story is not to say that I did anything noteworthy, for I don’t think I did, but it serves as a dramatic reminder to me: Kindness makes a difference. As the Dalai Lama has said, “This is my simple religion. No need for temples. No need for complicated philosophy. Your own mind, your own heart is the temple. Your philosophy is simple kindness.” I will never know this man’s background, his experiences, his religion, his views, but it seems that for a simple moment, I touched his life in a way that I’ll never fully comprehend. At that moment, there was no religion, there was only human interaction. Choices and the intentions of the heart make moments beautiful or harmful—whatever label is designated to the individual by society.

My parents are kind, compassionate, loving Christians, but had we been born in India, there’s a good chance that they would be kind, compassionate, loving Hindus, although I cannot know this for sure. My parents and others that I know, give Christianity a good name. I also know several Muslims, Buddhists, and Atheists who give their respective worldviews good names. Sadly, the opposite can be said as well. Having worked in the dark side/politics of Christianity as a minister, I’ve seen and experienced the ugly potential for harm that lies within the Church walls. It is the individual and personal choices that make the difference.

As the President said in his speech, “…we are summoned to push back against those who try to distort our religion—any religion—for their own nihilistic ends.  And here at home and around the world, we will constantly reaffirm that fundamental freedom—freedom of religion—the right to practice our faith how we choose, to change our faith if we choose, to practice no faith at all if we choose, and to do so free of persecution and fear and discrimination.” I have chosen a different path other than religion, but I do not think it beneficial to force you to walk the same path I have chosen. We must all have the freedom of our own journey, and we must be faithful to that freedom for others. The vast majority of all peoples desires peace; may this desire bind us together as we focus on our commonalities and learn to better coexist. 

Long before Elsa there was….Pop.

Two years ago, as we sat at the farm, M- was expressing her dissatisfaction with a 92% in a particular class. Pop has had quite a bit of experience dealing with perfectionism; he’s experienced Mom’s disappointment with college grades that would make many other college students weep with sheer joy. (And I might add: Mom finished her degree with a 4.0 even while working full-time and somehow keeping the Wimberley clan functioning. Go Mom!) This conversation was no different; his calm answer was such a typical Pop thing to say. He simply stated, with a gleam in his eye, “M-, it’s time to just let it go.” Because of his rather dramatic delivery of the message, and the swooshing of his hand as he emphasized those last three words, the room exploded into laughter. Once again, as many times before, Pop had spoken his simple wisdom into our lives—in the loving, comical manner that I will always cherish.

Let. It. Go. is now a regular mantra in our tiny space, as it was in my childhood home. There’s a great deal of wisdom packed into that little phrase! We often say it with laughter as we remember Pop’s dramatic performance on that particular day, but the mindset has served me well, as I’ve journeyed these last ten years towards the present. There are times in life, when our vision becomes clearer, and we see the things that are holding us back. These times are, all at once, the scariest and most freeing moments that we face. As I let go of religion, I was completely unsure of the outcome; I just knew I must follow my instincts concerning the truth for which I was searching. As I journeyed, ever so cautiously, out of the closet, I had to let go of people’s opinions and years of bad teaching, and learn to love me for me. Both were notably, the scariest events I’ve experienced thus far, but both were equally rewarding and joyous, as I began to rest in the peace and contentment that followed as I let go.

Our journeys are all unique, but we all face similar obstacles. We all face issues that hold us back; and just as I faced with religion and sexuality, life presents us with choices as we evolve and grow. We leave things as they are or we let go. We all know the definition of insanity that has been attributed to Einstein: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. My choice was difficult and it didn’t happen overnight, but I came to see that I wanted more out of this life than what my present situation could offer. I was quite intimidated by the uncertainty ahead, but I knew that leaving things as they were was no longer an option if I wanted more out of life.

My encouragement for all of us this brand new year of 2015 would be to let go of those things in our life that are holding us back, down, stuck. What is keeping us from living a freer, more peaceful, productive, and happy life? Jobs that are unsatisfying, toxic relationships, tiring habits, people’s opinions? Our own lists usually pop into our heads uninvited when we have conversations such as these. Remember: you are not alone; we really are all in this thing together. As Pop, and Elsa, would say: let this year be the year you just let it go. 

A Peace of our Own

Over the last few weeks, equality has taken off into a sprint. Amongst the gays being blamed for Ebola, paper cuts, the common cold, and the decline of straight marriage, (I made up the middle two) many people, who may have previously held other opinions, have started to see the value of equality along with the illogical-ness of inequality. They’ve evolved, to use a common phrase. This is beautiful to me. In this sense, evolving means that you have invested time in thinking through aspects of a certain topic and have come to a conclusion different from the one previously held because of new information or insight. This is the exact mindset that I believe will lead us to a more peaceful society. And although the voices of the naysayers are often blaring, their numbers are minuscule and shrinking.

I have evolved, gratefully so. Many of my family members and friends have evolved as well. This makes me happy. We all grew up being fed the same [mis]information, but most of us have succeeded in thinking through things life with logical, compassion, and honesty. These are three key ingredients, I believe. The nature of my journey was one that led me out of religion before I was ever able to acknowledge that I was gay, (these two journeys were related, but not dependent upon one another) but many others have clung to their faith while coming out; at times, it has been their greatest comfort, but yet, sadly, their condemner. I hold a sincere compassion for these who have stayed within their faiths, their resilience is commendable. Thankfully, many, many people of faiths are evolving. A great deal of this evolution has been spurred on from the realization that someone they love is, in fact, gay. This has been the big bang in many evolutions including mine.

It is much easier to condemn what you do not first love. It must be easy to say, I will raise my child “right” and they will not “become” gay, but it is a completely different journey to shed tears over that child you love, as you watch them being torn apart inside by self-condemnation, as they try to rid themselves of this supposed evil to no avail. It saddens me to see family members choose their man-interpreted beliefs over that precious son, daughter, brother, or sister, but it happens. What a shame.

Today, specifically within the Christian faith, there are voices rising up to guide the way towards logic, compassion, and honesty concerning the issue of homosexuality. (Although I am speaking specifically on this issue, this process of evolution can be used for most of today’s dividing topics.) I will link to them below because I see this as extremely important. It is time to put this issue to rest. Having lived most of my life as a devoted follower of Christ, ministers’ kid and, later, minister, I am all too familiar with the teachings that are there, but I am also familiar with the harm many of these teachings are still doing. Far too many Christians, straight or gay, out or closeted, live their lives in the grips of self-condemnation. As I mentioned earlier it is time to evolve towards peace. Peace is achieved not through religion, but through allowing each other the freedom to search out this peace through their own journey. The my-religion-is-the-absolute-truth mentality can be seen in the backdrop of many of today’s un-peaceful situations throughout our world.

The day I looked inward and realized the restlessness within my own soul, was a day that filled me with compassion for others. Seeing my judgmental heart towards others’ journey (disguised with religious jargon) broke part of the hold that religion had held upon me. This journey inward frightened me at first, but yet led me to a depth of happiness I had not known. I want peace for myself and for you as an individual. I want peace for our nations and peoples in turmoil and for this earth itself. It is time we stop dictating others’ journey towards peace and start living our own path of peace. Only then, do I believe we will find the collective peace we all seek. 

Give these some thought:

John Shore

Kathy Baldock--Canyon Walker Connection

Matthew Vines--The Gay Debate

Peace to you.