Our Agenda

I heard someone mention "the gay agenda" this week. (I was waiting for the Adam and Steve joke to follow) After I realized that I had not been sucked up into a time machine and whisked back to the 70s, I was amused, but a bit saddened. I found myself wondering if the person who spoke these words actually believed them to be true, or if they were just regurgitating talking points as I had done for so many years. I found myself asking, aren't we past this yet?

Growing up, I heard about the gay agenda, although I admittedly never saw it in action. (I've also never seen a unicorn.) It carried a similar level of fear as the the bubonic plague. Not knowing any better and trying so hard to be straight, I was perplexed by this secret agenda. What were they trying to do? Why were they trying to do it? I find a small amount of amusement in this now. I look at our [beautiful] life, and see how utterly agenda-less and boring it might seem to a random outsider, and I just have to laugh.

When will we learn that equality equals a better society for all of us, not just gays and other minorities? I'll put your mind to rest; there is no gay agenda besides being allowed to live and and love in peace. The only agenda in my life is centered upon loving my wife, being happy and fulfilled, doing a bit of traveling, remembering to buy eggs on my way home from work, and living as a productive member of society as we work towards peace. Our Monday agenda is to get through the week. Our Friday night agenda, providing we can stay awake after our long week, usually includes a glass of wine and a movie or perhaps a game of scrabble; more often than not, we end up crashed out on the couch like the old married couple we seem to be. (I shocked a customer last week by telling them we don't own a television--we just prefer our simple life.)

Our future plans don’t consist of world domination, but of a house with a small balcony, fresh grown herbs, and summers in southern France. This sounds frighteningly similar to many other married couples, no matter what the sexual make-up. Imagine that. And meanwhile, we are totally happy in the center of our somewhat boring, agenda-less life. That is not to say we don’t attend rallies, volunteer at local LGBTQ organizations, and post pointed messages on social media concerning issues that are important to us, but there is no gay agenda to someday rule the world, turn everyone gay, and drag everyone to hell in our own personal hand-basket. (besides, I’m horrible at basket weaving) This is just silly thinking, and we’d all be better off if we could get past these ideas and work together towards peace. 

How is this for an agenda? I want to be able to say I left this place better than I found it. I want fewer people in poverty, I want more children enabled with a solid education and food in their bellies as they drift off to sleep; I want less human trafficking and an end to child pornography, and I want someone whose life doesn’t fit the status quo to be able to live his/her life in a way that brings them peace, happiness and fulfillment. If this sounds like an agenda you can agree with, feel free to jump on my band wagon, there’s always room for more.

Being Me - My Hurdles to Coming Out

There is a certain risk that comes with being ones' self. For me, I weighed my options of coming out for almost a year. I had told one trustworthy friend, three thousand miles away, and I didn't know how to take that next step. I didn't know if I had it in me. I wasn't young; I had settled myself, and happily so, with a single, independent life; my present bliss wasn't even a remote possibility in my mind. Quite honestly, I didn't know if it would be worth the hassle. My family and friends were comfortable with this me, and I wasn't sure that I wanted to rock the boat we were all travelling in.

After hours of reflection, and reading, and thinking, and wondering, and imagining, I knew that I had to come out. Those hours of contemplation covered many topics. Honestly, I had to deal with my pride, and I have to admit that pride was a formidable obstacle in coming out. The ever plaguing question of what will people say? There were some who would see my coming out as a failure. I had to struggle through the acknowledgement that, though these people were no longer in my life for very good reasons, I didn't want to be considered a failure. I broke through this obstacle by honestly evaluating the reasons they were no longer in my life, and I had to come to the conclusion that my peace meant more to me than what they might say about me ever.

Also, even though I’d become okay with who I was, I had to wade through the condemning thoughts still lingering from faulty teachings and misguided information. Just coming to terms with being gay, doesn't silence years of rubbish. I had to break through the obstacle that told me something was wrong with me. You see, I’d already come to the conclusion in my heart that this was who I was, but my head kept replaying all of the illogical arguments that condemned the gay, and I’d heard them for years. 

The third hurdle I had to jump was the fact that it was okay to choose to be happy. I reached a new understanding one day: if the only way I can keep people in my life is by hiding who I really am, then I don’t really want those type of people in my life! I thought of my family; I would never want any of them to hide who they were from me because they thought I would not love them. If my love is that fickle then is it really love?

The choice was clear; I had to come out. I had to come out for me and I had to come out for others who are struggling and scared inside a very lonely closet. I did not know who would stay and who would go in my life, but I had to take the chance. Did it hurt like hell when some decided to walk out of my life? More than you'll ever know, but I've not once regretted the decision. I broke free the day I came out. There is no other way to describe it. Now, when I awake beside this Love I now call home, I realize what I would have missed out on, if I’d made the decision to keep quiet. When I think of the beautiful life that almost wasn't, it motivates to speak out.