Hey Jude.

For the last few days, I've awakened with this song in my head. Yesterday I sat down to play it on the guitar; I figured I might as well go with if it is floating around in my head for so long. Ask anyone who knows me and they'll tell you that I am horrible at remembering lyrics, but the one line of this song that has always stuck with me is take a sad song and make it better. In our daily lives, our paths cross with many people who have sad songs within. These sad songs have many different tunes, and they are sung in many different ways: bitterness, unkindness, rudeness, pure sadness, emptiness, to name a few. It is easy to become frustrated by these tunes when they slap us in the face (figuratively, hopefully), and I find myself forgetting to look beyond the obvious and empathize with the sad tune within that sparks these outward displays of harshness.

Take a sad song and make it better. We cannot fix people; the quickest way to make matters worse is to try and fix people. It frustrates us and it usually infuriates them. (Think do unto others...) We can, however, shine light into their lives by they way we act with and react to them. How can we make it better today? We are all in this thing together, and to quote my wise mother, "all God's children got issues." No one has it all together, but the way we respond to and interact with one another either makes the situation worse or better.

It is an easy path to take to say, you want to be rude with me? No problem, I'll be rude right back. It's the easy way out, and if you're happy with the song that is playing in our world at the present moment, then be my guest. But I envision a different song, a happier tune, than the one to which we are currently marching. Let's makes someone's sad song better today. It may not be easy. It starts with us, and while we're doing this, we can also see what song is playing within our own souls and make it better as well. Compassion towards ourselves and others makes for happier songs all around.

Religious Freedoms

I am, in general, a relatively hopeful person. I try to find a bright side in events and circumstances, although this is not always possible. Even though we are living in a messy world, I do tend to focus on the positive signs of progress that I see happening. I also do try to stay away from blatant political frustrations, of which I have many, on this blog. Domestically, we’ve come a long way towards equality and respect for one another, which I consider essential for a better world for all. (Although we have a long way to go in many of these areas) And I do mean equality and respect in the broadest sense. When I caught wind of the “religious freedom” bill that recently passed in Indiana, I confess to being more than a bit disheartened.

The bill, which basically allows people to discriminate choose not to serve individuals based on their own religious beliefs, is said to be a protection put in place for the religious freedoms of individuals. Baloney. The Governor of Indiana said, “The Constitution of the United States and the Indiana Constitution both provide strong recognition of the freedom of religion but today, many people of faith feel their religious liberty is under attack by government action.” I’m not sure what country people who feel their religious liberty is under attack by the government are living in, but I’m pretty sure it’s not the same country in which I am currently residing. Even as I write this blog in a hotel room in Miami, there is a segment playing on one of the morning news shows about Faith in America and the power of prayer; focusing on the importance of faith and prayer to Americans. This same country has prayer rallies on a consistent basis all across the map, and these rallies are attended frequently by politicians and men of power alike. The US has more churches than Carter has pills, and to my knowledge, you don’t have to enter and exit under the cover of darkness. You can go to church every day in broad daylight, pray out loud on the corner, sing hymns on the bus, and read your bible on the subway, without fear of retribution by the government. As a matter of fact, it is somewhat of an oddity in this country to say you have “no religion,” or express a faith that isn't Christian;  I know, I’ve seen the blank looks that come along with these types of conversations.

I am leery of such measures because I think they are a cover up for something else—something more sinister than freedom and liberty that leads us down a path on which we do not want to be as a country. I could be—and actually hope to be—wrong, but based upon our record as far as such things go, I do not see this bill being upheld in circumstances that do not portray the religious belief that is considered the “right belief” in the US. To put it more plainly, will the same people who rallied and shouted for this bill, stand up and raise their voices behind a Muslim who believes her religious freedom encroached upon by the government? Will an Atheist, whose freedom from religion plainly rests within the notion of the First Amendment, be given the support of the masses if his rights are tread upon? Should I even mention the freedom of same-sex couples that hold to religious beliefs which include being married before the God they love and serve? This list could go on and on...

Freedom and liberty are complicated issues; they are not always black and white, and they often take a great deal of work and commitment by the entire community to uphold. I have the freedom to go outside on the sidewalk in front of our apartment and swing a baseball bat around as many times as I want whenever I choose, but when my baseball bat makes contact with the poor soul’s shoulder who just happened to be using his freedom to walk on any sidewalk he prefers…we have a situation. We must learn to be a community that honors everyone’s freedom, not just a select few and not just those with whom we agree. Yes, this is sometimes a messy business and we have to figure some things out as we go, but for the betterment of humanity--even the world as a whole--we must figure a peaceful path to such ends. 

Shortly after leaving my religion completely, I held the feeling of wanting to “save the world from all religions.” With time, I have taken a more logical, tolerant, and peaceful approach to such things. For the better world I envision, all of us must have the freedom to follow our own heart and walk our own journey. Figuring out how to do this may be the million dollar question; it is also the key to a more peaceful world. My first thought would be to simply begin where many religious and non-religious viewpoints come into agreement: Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

Peace.

No Christians Were Harmed...

Forgive my absence. I have been in training for a new (and wonderful) job that has occupied my brain for the last few weeks. I've made my wife suffer through the daily recap of my trainings, so I'll spare you the pain. 

What a week this has been though. Two years ago, before we married, we were discussing marriage equality over dinner. Being much more optimistic, my wife had said we'd see equality in Kentucky in just a few years; I disagreed and said it would be at least ten more years. While equality has not yet found its way into Kentucky, at least officially, I believe my wife was much more accurate than me in my pessimistic view. 

Moving to New York and finally having the freedom to marry the soul that made me come alive was such a freeing moment. Equality once again leaped forward this week...and what a leap it was! Beautiful friends in Oklahoma could finally get married. We watched a video as they told their young daughter, and the joy in her eyes was captivating. I can't stop thinking about their beautiful little family and how utterly wrong it was to deny them marriage. I imagine all the wonderful moments they share with their bright, feisty young daughter and how those precious moments will shape her into a loving, compassionate, productive member of society. They were already a family in the truest sense of the word, but now they will have the legal acknowledgement and protection that just might help them sleep a little easier at night. 

Part of my new training was, as expected, a series on discrimination and workplace harassment. The day I realized that I was in such a protected category was an odd feeling. Having never really dealt with any sort of discrimination, except the common gender discrimination within religion, it truly changed my perspective and was quite a moving experience. The training was beautifully done and set in a tone of fairness, respect, and inclusion. It even went a bit further to discuss, in great detail, religious and non-religious discrimination. After one of the sessions, one of my new co-workers said that it is sad that such things have to be taught. He went on to explain that one's own integrity and common courtesy should guide a person towards respecting others' life, choices, and happiness. We agreed that this world would be so much more peaceful, if we focused on living our own lives and finding our own happiness instead of dictating how others should live theirs.

Amongst the bombardment of same-sex-marriage-is-from-satan backlash that followed this past weeks' equality leap, my co-workers' words came back to me. We've got to get past this kind of thinking for our own good. In no shape, form, or fashion, did my friends' new marriage hurt anyone. Period. No Christians were harmed in the making of this marriage. Just fyi, as far as I know, these two beautiful souls are Christians, so chew on that for a while. (And just a little extra food for thought while you're chewing: one of the most astonishing illustrations of this week paralleled the states of the sixties that were against interracial marriage; sadly, it was almost identical to those of today that still defiantly stand so strongly against marriage equality...this needs to be given some serious thought.)

We are all guided by some sort of personal belief and moral compass. What guides you, does not necessarily have to guide me. I try to look at it from a common good standpoint, and when my personal belief starts slapping you in the face, or worse...causing harm, I have crossed the line. (Social issues take on a particularly harmful tone when they become underpinned with religious beliefs.) We can do this, you know? We can learn to live peaceable with each other, but we must first remember to respect others' beliefs and way of life as we respect our own. Or as someone else one said, "So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets." (Matt. 7:12)

And with that, I leave you these beautiful numbers. Peace to you.
(freedomtomarry.org)

In 30 states - AK, CA, CO, CT, DE, HI, ID, IA, IL, IN, ME, MD, MA, MN, NC, NH, NJ, NM, NV, NY, OK, OR, PA, RI, UT, VA, VT, WA, WV and WI, plus Washington, D.C. - same-sex couples have the freedom to marry. 

In an additional five states - AZ, KS, MT, SC, and WY - federal appellate rulings have set a binding precedent in favor of the freedom to marry, meaning the path is cleared for the freedom to marry there.

In an additional 8 states, judges have issued rulings in favor of the freedom to marry, with many of these rulings now stayed as they proceed to appellate courts: In AR, FL, KY, MI, and TX, judges have struck down marriage bans, and in LA, OH and TN, judges have issued more limited pro-marriage rulings.

In MO, the marriages of same-sex couples legally performed in other states are respected. 

I love you, but....

There is a new video that has surfaced showing a young man's conversation with three (I think) of his family members. The young man was apparently wearing a hidden camera of some sort.  It is disturbing, to say the least, and saddening, and sickening. I want to find this young man, hug him tightly, and tell him not to believe that he is a "disgrace," as his father describes him.

Wow. There are so many lgbt sons and daughters who face this type of humiliation and abuse. (For that matter, there are also so many of our sons and daughters around the world that face this type of abuse and this should give us all pause.) If you have the stomach to watch this video, think about the emotional rubbish this young man has had to muddle through on a regular basis. Growing up is a tough act, in my opinion, but add to this the factors that lie behind this video, and it paints a struggle that is beyond words. And this even in a country that boasts a fair amount of tolerance and acceptance (although we have a long way to go); imagine those lgbt youth in countries that still support the death penalty for simply being gay. I cannot. Inexcusable. 

Although I did not come out until I was older, and I have felt the cold shoulders of some who are misguided in their beliefs, I simply cannot imagine feeling this level of rejection from family. Those who are supposed to be there cheering you on in your life, but who suddenly turn on you like a pack of wild dogs. (kind of literally in the case of this video!) Cold shoulders and noses turned up in judgement are nothing compared to the violence and viciousness that face many, far too many, lgbt youth.

Long before I came out, and quite separate from the inner struggle I faced with my own fear of not being straight, a young man once told me that he'd tried everything he could think of to make himself not gay. Coming out, was a last resort, in the truest sense of the word, in an effort to find some sort of peace in his life. He faced hell, humiliation, and rejection. It is this incident that began my investigation of what I'd been taught about homosexuality. (My second stepping stone, as I describe in the book) The turmoil and desperation I saw within these young eyes has stayed with me even to this day. It spurred one simple question that needed an answer. Why would anyone choose this? Hours of study and contemplation led me to understand that this is not a choice; later even still, this allowed me to reach a point of honesty within myself allowing me to be freely and peaceably me.

The anger that my life (and yes, I do take it personally) stirs up in people puzzles me. Why does it frighten people so? Even if you want to stand firm on the Word of God, as the mother does in the video, why is it this particular topic that is honed in on? I can think of many topics that are mentioned much more frequently and are not nearly as ambiguously interpreted. And also, as this mother exemplifies, actions do speak louder than words, and the preface of I love you, but does not negate mean spirited words and actions.

This will not happen often on this blog, but I leave you with a Scripture to contemplate; I have left it fully intact, so as to not distort the context. Don't skim. Read it slowly, even if you know it well: 

If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 

If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 

If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.

 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 

Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 

It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 

For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. 

When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. (I Cor. 13)

May we all find our peace and help each other along the way.

Us and us

In preparing for my transfer (to a closer-to-home store) I wanted to make sure that a few of my customers found out from me, personally. I had wondered how many of these pleasant souls were aware of the fact that their presence throughout my day makes all the difference in the world sometimes. All of them are regulars, if not every day, at least four times per week. They stand in front of my bar, with a smile and pleasant tone of voice, as they wait, (and often wait and wait and wait) for me to make their drink. We talk about everything from sick kids to soccer to global warming to international affairs, and they are truly the bright spots in my always busy, often hectic, sometimes downright chaotic, days at work.

I am acutely aware of how these regulars brighten my day, but I guess I often forget that I do the same for them. One customer, who always has a particularly encouraging manner, and who also shares my love of soccer, told me that he had been “bummed out” when I told him I was transferring the day before. Unbeknownst to me, he had had several particularly difficult days over the past few months and he told me that his brief encounters/chats with me as I made his drink had helped him through those days.

What a beautiful reminder. The people I encounter and who encounter me, will most often walk away feeling something no matter how small the encounter. Perhaps it can be neutral, but more often than not, the tone of our days are either brightened or smudged, and in turn, our actions and words either brighten or smudge someone else’s day life.

It has made me think on the ethic of reciprocity. Think of how many belief systems are in this world. (A web search on this topic will completely overwhelm your brain) Most, if not all, have some sort of do unto others clause. Some of my favorite versions:

• All things are our relatives; what we do to everything, we do to ourselves. All is really One." Black Elk (Native American Spirituality)
• The law imprinted on the hearts of all men is to love the members of society as themselves. (Roman Pagan Religion)
• An it harm no one, do what thou wilt. (The Wiccan Rede)
• Whatever is disagreeable to yourself do not do unto others.  Shayast-na-Shayast 13:29 (Zoroastrianism)
• Hurt not others in ways that you yourself would find hurtful. Udana-Varga 5:18 (Buddhism)
• Therefore all things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them: for this is the law and the prophets. Matthew 7:12 (Christianity)
• Tse-kung asked, 'Is there one word that can serve as a principle of conduct for life?' Confucius replied, 'It is the word 'shu' -- reciprocity. Do not impose on others what you yourself do not desire.' Doctrine of the Mean 13.3 (Confucianism)
• This is the sum of duty: do not do to others what would cause pain if done to you. Mahabharata 5:1517 (Hinduism)

We could talk all day about our human failures in this arena, or our personal exception clauses that we tack on for our own convenience, (gay, foreigner, non-believer, etc) but this concept is the essence of a peace-filled world. This is not a religious thing, it is a human thing. Whether we like it or not, we are in this thing together. My mom used to tell us something similar when we would argue as kids. “Whether you like it or not, we’re a family, and we will get along in this house.” It's the same thing on a larger scale. (Except there's no tough mom to make us sit on the couch until we agree to hug each other) If we hurt one another, we are hurting the whole, which in turn is hurting us for we are a part of that whole. We need to get this. We must get this if we are going to survive on this planet together. Recent events in Ferguson, Gaza, Iraq, and everyday Main Street should serve as a mirror for us. We need to look long and hard at who we are becoming. There is no us and them; this is a deceptive illusion. There is only us and...us. 

*This list and many other wonderful topics of discussion can be found at ReligiousTolerance.org.