Yet it is Still Me

Yet it is Still Me

Those same little hands that got into everything

Are still curious about the world around them.

That innocent smile that worked its way out of trouble

Is even more intense today.

The laughter that exploded with every tickle

Runs more deeply because of pure happiness.

It is still me.

My future that you saw while tucking me in

Was not the path laid out for me.

Husband, wife, children to follow

Happiness seldom arrives in a predefined box.

Although I try to make you proud

I learned that I must make myself proud first.

Yet it is still me.

You wished me happy and kind in life

I awake with a smile on my face.

You prayed for peace and joy

I sleep like a child in a mother’s embrace.

You hoped for a long and prosperous life

My soul lives each day in wonder.

It is still me.

Kristin Casey 2014

--to parents who struggle with their child's coming out. Peace.

--dedicated to my parents who shower my wife with love.

A Peace of our Own

Over the last few weeks, equality has taken off into a sprint. Amongst the gays being blamed for Ebola, paper cuts, the common cold, and the decline of straight marriage, (I made up the middle two) many people, who may have previously held other opinions, have started to see the value of equality along with the illogical-ness of inequality. They’ve evolved, to use a common phrase. This is beautiful to me. In this sense, evolving means that you have invested time in thinking through aspects of a certain topic and have come to a conclusion different from the one previously held because of new information or insight. This is the exact mindset that I believe will lead us to a more peaceful society. And although the voices of the naysayers are often blaring, their numbers are minuscule and shrinking.

I have evolved, gratefully so. Many of my family members and friends have evolved as well. This makes me happy. We all grew up being fed the same [mis]information, but most of us have succeeded in thinking through things life with logical, compassion, and honesty. These are three key ingredients, I believe. The nature of my journey was one that led me out of religion before I was ever able to acknowledge that I was gay, (these two journeys were related, but not dependent upon one another) but many others have clung to their faith while coming out; at times, it has been their greatest comfort, but yet, sadly, their condemner. I hold a sincere compassion for these who have stayed within their faiths, their resilience is commendable. Thankfully, many, many people of faiths are evolving. A great deal of this evolution has been spurred on from the realization that someone they love is, in fact, gay. This has been the big bang in many evolutions including mine.

It is much easier to condemn what you do not first love. It must be easy to say, I will raise my child “right” and they will not “become” gay, but it is a completely different journey to shed tears over that child you love, as you watch them being torn apart inside by self-condemnation, as they try to rid themselves of this supposed evil to no avail. It saddens me to see family members choose their man-interpreted beliefs over that precious son, daughter, brother, or sister, but it happens. What a shame.

Today, specifically within the Christian faith, there are voices rising up to guide the way towards logic, compassion, and honesty concerning the issue of homosexuality. (Although I am speaking specifically on this issue, this process of evolution can be used for most of today’s dividing topics.) I will link to them below because I see this as extremely important. It is time to put this issue to rest. Having lived most of my life as a devoted follower of Christ, ministers’ kid and, later, minister, I am all too familiar with the teachings that are there, but I am also familiar with the harm many of these teachings are still doing. Far too many Christians, straight or gay, out or closeted, live their lives in the grips of self-condemnation. As I mentioned earlier it is time to evolve towards peace. Peace is achieved not through religion, but through allowing each other the freedom to search out this peace through their own journey. The my-religion-is-the-absolute-truth mentality can be seen in the backdrop of many of today’s un-peaceful situations throughout our world.

The day I looked inward and realized the restlessness within my own soul, was a day that filled me with compassion for others. Seeing my judgmental heart towards others’ journey (disguised with religious jargon) broke part of the hold that religion had held upon me. This journey inward frightened me at first, but yet led me to a depth of happiness I had not known. I want peace for myself and for you as an individual. I want peace for our nations and peoples in turmoil and for this earth itself. It is time we stop dictating others’ journey towards peace and start living our own path of peace. Only then, do I believe we will find the collective peace we all seek. 

Give these some thought:

John Shore

Kathy Baldock--Canyon Walker Connection

Matthew Vines--The Gay Debate

Peace to you. 

No Christians Were Harmed...

Forgive my absence. I have been in training for a new (and wonderful) job that has occupied my brain for the last few weeks. I've made my wife suffer through the daily recap of my trainings, so I'll spare you the pain. 

What a week this has been though. Two years ago, before we married, we were discussing marriage equality over dinner. Being much more optimistic, my wife had said we'd see equality in Kentucky in just a few years; I disagreed and said it would be at least ten more years. While equality has not yet found its way into Kentucky, at least officially, I believe my wife was much more accurate than me in my pessimistic view. 

Moving to New York and finally having the freedom to marry the soul that made me come alive was such a freeing moment. Equality once again leaped forward this week...and what a leap it was! Beautiful friends in Oklahoma could finally get married. We watched a video as they told their young daughter, and the joy in her eyes was captivating. I can't stop thinking about their beautiful little family and how utterly wrong it was to deny them marriage. I imagine all the wonderful moments they share with their bright, feisty young daughter and how those precious moments will shape her into a loving, compassionate, productive member of society. They were already a family in the truest sense of the word, but now they will have the legal acknowledgement and protection that just might help them sleep a little easier at night. 

Part of my new training was, as expected, a series on discrimination and workplace harassment. The day I realized that I was in such a protected category was an odd feeling. Having never really dealt with any sort of discrimination, except the common gender discrimination within religion, it truly changed my perspective and was quite a moving experience. The training was beautifully done and set in a tone of fairness, respect, and inclusion. It even went a bit further to discuss, in great detail, religious and non-religious discrimination. After one of the sessions, one of my new co-workers said that it is sad that such things have to be taught. He went on to explain that one's own integrity and common courtesy should guide a person towards respecting others' life, choices, and happiness. We agreed that this world would be so much more peaceful, if we focused on living our own lives and finding our own happiness instead of dictating how others should live theirs.

Amongst the bombardment of same-sex-marriage-is-from-satan backlash that followed this past weeks' equality leap, my co-workers' words came back to me. We've got to get past this kind of thinking for our own good. In no shape, form, or fashion, did my friends' new marriage hurt anyone. Period. No Christians were harmed in the making of this marriage. Just fyi, as far as I know, these two beautiful souls are Christians, so chew on that for a while. (And just a little extra food for thought while you're chewing: one of the most astonishing illustrations of this week paralleled the states of the sixties that were against interracial marriage; sadly, it was almost identical to those of today that still defiantly stand so strongly against marriage equality...this needs to be given some serious thought.)

We are all guided by some sort of personal belief and moral compass. What guides you, does not necessarily have to guide me. I try to look at it from a common good standpoint, and when my personal belief starts slapping you in the face, or worse...causing harm, I have crossed the line. (Social issues take on a particularly harmful tone when they become underpinned with religious beliefs.) We can do this, you know? We can learn to live peaceable with each other, but we must first remember to respect others' beliefs and way of life as we respect our own. Or as someone else one said, "So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets." (Matt. 7:12)

And with that, I leave you these beautiful numbers. Peace to you.
(freedomtomarry.org)

In 30 states - AK, CA, CO, CT, DE, HI, ID, IA, IL, IN, ME, MD, MA, MN, NC, NH, NJ, NM, NV, NY, OK, OR, PA, RI, UT, VA, VT, WA, WV and WI, plus Washington, D.C. - same-sex couples have the freedom to marry. 

In an additional five states - AZ, KS, MT, SC, and WY - federal appellate rulings have set a binding precedent in favor of the freedom to marry, meaning the path is cleared for the freedom to marry there.

In an additional 8 states, judges have issued rulings in favor of the freedom to marry, with many of these rulings now stayed as they proceed to appellate courts: In AR, FL, KY, MI, and TX, judges have struck down marriage bans, and in LA, OH and TN, judges have issued more limited pro-marriage rulings.

In MO, the marriages of same-sex couples legally performed in other states are respected. 

Ten Years of Change

A life chapter ended on Thursday.  Since 2004, I’ve worked for the Bux, minus a brief break while working with my sister. Now I'll be moving on.

I stopped to think of my life ten years ago. Wow. I had just left the ministry and my head was still reeling from all that had gone on and gone wrong. As Buddhists say, the ground had been pulled out from under me. Bewildered would be an appropriate word. I felt like a failure. I’d just been let go from what I had thought was my life’s calling. I had no idea where to go from here; I had no idea who I was.  Everything I thought was real and lasting was suddenly called into question. Many whom I loved dearly and trusted with my life had chosen popularity over me. I took that personally; sometimes it hurt to breathe.

Ten years can hold a great deal of change. As time has healed wounds, I can be nothing but grateful for this unexpected and drastic turn of events.

Grateful for landing flat on my back, although I didn’t feel that way at the time; the jar shook me to the very core and opened my eyes. Instead of seeing stars, I saw my disillusionment. I saw that I was trying so desperately to make myself believe what I wanted so hard to believe in. I didn’t know where I was going from here, but I would investigate life and question easy answers from here on out. I made that promise to myself. What beautiful things I’ve discovered about myself and the world around me since then.

Grateful to a kindhearted Bux manager who told me to come work for her. A genuine soul, if ever there has been one; I am still proud to call her friend today. From her example, I learned a lot about being myself, take it or leave it. I also learned an awful lot about confidence. She believed in me, and I had found something I was actually really good at and enjoyed doing. I felt good about this and for the first time, in perhaps forever, I felt I was in an honest place. I still didn’t know where I was headed, but it felt right and good.

I recall a time when a church member from my previous position saw me sweeping the floor one night as we prepared to close. She came up to me and said, “I hate to see you like this. You have so much more to offer.” Besides feeling a bit humiliated, I was angry. Angry because she saw me as a failure. I wanted to scream at her, “I like who I am becoming!” but I think I just said something generic and went on. I did not have the courage for that sort of confrontation yet. I had to learn that success is not defined by what I do or what people think of me. Success is a lifestyle choice of peace and goodness and happiness and laughter. I define my success not you….

Grateful for this life I now lead. I am quite often overwhelmed by the love that fills our tiny space. You may be tired of hearing this by now, but I simply could not have imagined such a beautiful life as the one I now live. As I turn this page, I must remember that this was all made possible by the hard, painful floor of betrayal and confusion I found myself laying upon those ten years ago. 

Peace to you.

Standing FOR Each Other -- International Day of Peace

I've been a bit frustrated lately. Somewhere between…[I had originally typed out several recent events and nationally known people who thrive on exposure even when it’s horrible, but I just couldn't stand to give them one ounce of publicity through this blog, so I scratched it, but the end of the sentence read:] …I lost faith in humanity for a second. You know what I mean, don’t you?

I will strive to focus on the positive, even though my heart grows heavy at times from the overabundance of hate and fear I see in our communities. Anti-Islam ads on buses, anti-Semitic politicians, anti-lgbtq, anti-this, anti-that, anti-whatever-it-is-that-I-have-not-taken-the-time-to-understand, anti-blah, blah, blah. Aren't we tired of anti yet? I am often reminded of Dr. King Jr.’s quote: “Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that.” I am just as appalled as anyone at the violence and blatant injustices in many parts of the world (including our own), but countering darkness with our own special brand of darkness does not seem to be working out well. There must be another way. It seems to me, and I say this through my personal experience, it is much easier to be anti-whatever than it is to take the time to understand this world and be the embodiment of love, peace, and light. With that being said, there has been no greater personal peace, than in the purposeful choosing of the latter.

I have not always been so obsessed with peace. For the longest of times, I don't remember even giving it much thought, which is odd since I was a minister and a Christian. I believed [tried hard to convince myself] that the only path of peace was a relationship with Jesus and a life of worship to God. This was the only way for anyone to be truly happy, which is where many of the problems within religions begin. This was the only truth…or so I was taught. As I made my way out of this belief system, and since this belief system was so ingrained in my being, I fully expected to feel less peaceful, less happy, less fulfilled, but the opposite was wonderfully true. It was quite a surprise and shock to me; as time went on, and I ventured into the world that had once seemed so frightening, I stumbled upon a profound peace and a heart of compassion that literally changed my life in every way. I think, perhaps, I just uncovered the peace and compassion that had been lying dormant in my soul for all those years; I was slowly awakening.

Today, September 21, is the International Day of Peace, established to strengthen the idea of peace everywhere and to purposefully promote peace throughout the world’s communities. (Today is also the Baghdad City of Peace Carnival that I spoke of in an earlier post—my heart is cheering them!) Hold peace in your heart. Peace is possible, I firmly believe this to be true, but it takes all of us choosing peace as a daily lifestyle. Let's BE FOR each other and FOR each other's peaceful journey instead of all this negative focus. Perhaps it is indeed the hardest choice, but isn't it worth a try? 

*I don't tear-up easily, but something about this photo moved me to great depths. 

Cities of Peace

I’ve been following a Facebook page called Baghdad City of Peace Carnival. I have also been following the disturbing events of terror over the last few months brought on by extreme extremists. (When Al Qaeda declares you are even too extreme, you must be extremists in the truest sense of the word.) I’ve always been a bit of a news junkie, but lately I find myself keeping a closer eye on these issues. Perhaps it is because I now have family there or because I’m married to a brownie whom I adore, which makes it more personal, but perhaps I’m also finally awakening to the realization that we are truly all in this thing together.

This organization puts together a carnival to celebrate the UN’s World Peace Day (September 21, 2014) Think about that for a moment. In a city that is wreaked with havoc, there is a group of people that put together a day to focus on peace. I have to wonder if the organizers are putting themselves into harm’s way, by boldly organizing this day of peace. You know what that tells me? The world’s people want peace.

We war, and then we war, and then we war some more. Is it doing any good? Although I haven’t always felt this way, I have my doubts. My heart has grown tired of the violence, and I have found myself questioning the violence to combat violence mentality. I see Palestinians who want peace, I see Israelis who want peace; I see Ukrainians, Russians, Americans, Iraqis, French, Turks, even those aggressive Canadians who want peace. (Since I am called Canadian at least once a week, I admittedly took some sarcastic liberties with that joke.)

Who wants the wars? Who schedules the wars? What are the motives behind the wars? What are the real motives behind the wars? Who ends up dying in these bloody wars?

There is a video of Baghdad City of Peace that I’ll post here. The first minute is in Arabic, which is a beautiful language, so just listen. After the speaking, it moves into a song. The faces. Pay attention to the faces. Within this organization, these small faces have role models who are not advocating war and violence, but peace. We owe it to these and all the small faces to be peace.

It is so easy to dwindle the issues of this world down to black and white, right and wrong, us and them, and pick sides as if we’re playing some sort of sport. But this isn’t a sport. Ferguson, Missouri isn’t a game, and Baghdad, Iraq sure as hell isn’t a game. It is people’s lives, their children, their brothers, sisters, mothers we’re talking about and just because we are somewhat removed from the situations doesn't mean we can sit back and do nothing.  As John Stewart says, “You’re tired of hearing about it? Imagine how f*cking exhausting it is living it.”

...and just because I love the international phenomenon of this song: Happy--Baghdad style.

Our Agenda

I heard someone mention "the gay agenda" this week. (I was waiting for the Adam and Steve joke to follow) After I realized that I had not been sucked up into a time machine and whisked back to the 70s, I was amused, but a bit saddened. I found myself wondering if the person who spoke these words actually believed them to be true, or if they were just regurgitating talking points as I had done for so many years. I found myself asking, aren't we past this yet?

Growing up, I heard about the gay agenda, although I admittedly never saw it in action. (I've also never seen a unicorn.) It carried a similar level of fear as the the bubonic plague. Not knowing any better and trying so hard to be straight, I was perplexed by this secret agenda. What were they trying to do? Why were they trying to do it? I find a small amount of amusement in this now. I look at our [beautiful] life, and see how utterly agenda-less and boring it might seem to a random outsider, and I just have to laugh.

When will we learn that equality equals a better society for all of us, not just gays and other minorities? I'll put your mind to rest; there is no gay agenda besides being allowed to live and and love in peace. The only agenda in my life is centered upon loving my wife, being happy and fulfilled, doing a bit of traveling, remembering to buy eggs on my way home from work, and living as a productive member of society as we work towards peace. Our Monday agenda is to get through the week. Our Friday night agenda, providing we can stay awake after our long week, usually includes a glass of wine and a movie or perhaps a game of scrabble; more often than not, we end up crashed out on the couch like the old married couple we seem to be. (I shocked a customer last week by telling them we don't own a television--we just prefer our simple life.)

Our future plans don’t consist of world domination, but of a house with a small balcony, fresh grown herbs, and summers in southern France. This sounds frighteningly similar to many other married couples, no matter what the sexual make-up. Imagine that. And meanwhile, we are totally happy in the center of our somewhat boring, agenda-less life. That is not to say we don’t attend rallies, volunteer at local LGBTQ organizations, and post pointed messages on social media concerning issues that are important to us, but there is no gay agenda to someday rule the world, turn everyone gay, and drag everyone to hell in our own personal hand-basket. (besides, I’m horrible at basket weaving) This is just silly thinking, and we’d all be better off if we could get past these ideas and work together towards peace. 

How is this for an agenda? I want to be able to say I left this place better than I found it. I want fewer people in poverty, I want more children enabled with a solid education and food in their bellies as they drift off to sleep; I want less human trafficking and an end to child pornography, and I want someone whose life doesn’t fit the status quo to be able to live his/her life in a way that brings them peace, happiness and fulfillment. If this sounds like an agenda you can agree with, feel free to jump on my band wagon, there’s always room for more.