My Mountain

Along I-90 towards Seattle, I drove in anticipation of my first glimpse of, what I would call later MY Mountain, Mt. Rainier. My roommate, with me on this trip, had made the trip from Spokane to Seattle many times before; she had prepared me, the best she could, for the sight I was about to behold. Just as my introduction to the ocean, no words could truly prepare me for such a reality-shifting sight. As we topped the final hill, still miles away from Seattle, she said, “there it is.”

As I strained to adjust to the vast openness, for a brief, but long, second, I thought, “there WHAT is?” As my eyes scanned the horizon, I could see only clouds, shapes, sky, blue….and then! And then, as my brain processed the vast amount of information my eyes were sending, I. Suddenly. Saw. Those clouds, and shapes, and blues, and sky, slowly pieced together, and I discovered that those clouds, shapes, blues, and sky were, in fact, an enormous mountain, quite literally beyond my belief. I was silent. Only silent.

Having grown up in the south, and only being exposed to the Smoky Mountains that rest on the border of Tennessee and North Carolina, my mind and senses were simply unprepared for the possibility of a mountain of this magnitude. What rose before me was outside the scope of my vision. Although it was as real and visible as anything could be, it was “hidden” from me for those first few seconds, because it was totally and utterly outside the realm of possibility for me. My brain had never had to process information of this nature, so therefore, I simply couldn’t “see” it.

I love mountains. Just like oceans, I love how small they make me feel in the scheme of this life. I have never forgotten the feeling of the above experience. As my eyes adjusted to the majesty of that mountain, my reality changed. Within the first two seconds, I was convinced there was no mountain there; in the next two seconds I was equally convinced of the mountain’s presence. Were I able to slow down time, I would have voiced these doubts. My mind was puzzled. By her statement, my roommate could obviously see the mountain, but why couldn’t I? Or had she gone crazy and there was truly no mountain visible? As the shift in my reality happened, I, too, saw a most magnificent sight. A sight that has stayed with me all these years.

In many ways, my life has replicated this experience. I have lived a happy life, even in the midst of church, religion and god, my life was full of nice sceneries such as the clouds, sky, and blue above. On a scale of 1 to 10, I believe I would have ranked myself a 9 in the happiness scale. It is only when this scale began to shift did a new realm of happiness and contentment become a possibility. A new reality opened up to me. Now I feel my happiness and contentment far exceed any scale I could fathom.

Just as I find it hard to describe my Mt. Rainier experience, I find it difficult to wrap words around the paradigm shift that has occurred over the last twelve years of my life. My brain has been busy processing the new information being sent by my soul, and just as the awe sunk in as my eyes focused upon my Mountain, the daily wonder of my life brings about a new level of gratitude and speechless amazement; I once again feel small.

Allow me to introduce my wife

Many of my friends and family have not had the honor of spending vast amounts of time with my wife. A small few have chosen this because of their awkward judgment of our lifestyle (yes, that is sarcasm you hear), but most are simply at the mercy of the miles between us. Some of you read her blogs and experience her heart through her writings, but for those of you have not had the privilege, 

allow me to introduce her to you now.

Today, my wife has been asked to participate in a commemoration event honoring Holocaust survivors who endured Kristallnacht. For those unfamiliar with the term, Kristallnacht, also called the Night of Broken Glass, it was a series of attacks upon the Jews of Germany and Austria in November 1938. To be a part of such commemoration is an honor that many would cherish, but to M- it holds a much deeper meaning. I’ll use her words here, with her permission, of course.

Some forty years after the events of Kristallnacht, I was born under the bombs of a vicious war and then raised in a society that believed all Jews must be killed; I was told that there once were Jews in my home country, (Iraq) but I was never told the whole story, actually, I learned no stories. It wasn’t until I was exposed to the Western world that I learned about my own history—a history that saddens me. I learned that in my home country, Jews were estranged, attacked, and forced out of their homes into exile.

While walking between home and school last semester, I realized that I was smiling when I would meet a Jew on the street. A few days later, I realized that I was not necessarily smiling because I had seen a Jew, but because I was able to see a Jew and feel no anger, no hatred. On this same usual walk, I would see Jewish fathers and grandfather kissing and carrying their children after school, and I missed my father. Then I would think: How many more families have to suffer from hate? How many more children will lose their parents as a result of hate? How long will it take for us to awaken?

We come from different worlds. Baghdad, Iraq….Paris, Tennessee. Let me put this in perspective. Do you remember the night of “shock and awe” after the events of 9/11? Do you remember where you were as you watched the bombs exploding upon Baghdad? I certainly do. I watched with an overabundance of mixed emotions. I had no way of knowing that the wife that now makes my very soul dance was sitting beneath those same explosions that filled my television screen fearing for her life and the life of her family. The realization of this has served as a constant reminder to me: no matter what the feeling on one side of a choice, action, or experience, there is always someone on the other side of that choice with their own experience, fears, hopes, and feelings.

To know M- is to have experienced something refreshing. To put it simply, her heart is for humanity.  Months before we were together, she was already challenging my mindset and encouraging a self-examination that I had previously not known. In short, she makes me a better person, not in a cliché sort of way, but in such a way that makes me honestly investigate my place in this world. Yes, I am biased, happily so, but I also see her spread her contagious zest for life through others who are lucky enough to know her.

She is passionate, kind, intense, comical, fascinating, and incredibly humble; she’ll, no doubt, tell me that I give her too much credit when she reads this*. She will end her presentation with these words: 

I could have have foreseen this journey that I walk today, but as we stand here together in commemoration of those who have suffered, and of those we have lost as a result of hate, know that I am committed to this journey of peace. Your well of life, your determination, your resilience, and your pride of heritage beckon us towards hope and strengthen us to see the way of peace.

I am grateful and incredibly lucky to walk this journey called life with such a soul. May we all be strengthened to see the way of peace. 

*and that is exactly what she did.

Historical Ponderings

While reading through one of the wifey's history textbooks, yes, I am a nerd, I found a most interesting document by the Iroquois' Chief Red Jacket. (Seriously, I love the name.)

"Brother; You say there is but one way to worship and serve the Great Spirit. If there is but one religion; why do you white people differ so much about it? Why not all agreed, as you can all read the book?...We are told that your religion was given to your forefathers, and has been handed down from father to son. We also have a religion, which was given to our forefathers, and has been handed down to us their children. We worship in that way. It teaches us to be thankful for all the favors we receive; to love each other, and to be united. We never quarrel about religion....Brother; we do not wish to destroy your religion or take it from you. We only want to enjoy our own."

We are all familiar with the wrongs done against the American natives often in the name of religion,  one of the many stains in our history, unfortunately. The atrocities done in the namesake of religion are still alive and well today, sadly so. I am appalled at recent beheadings and slaughters, but even a quick read of history finds events such as these ongoing and somewhat constant throughout. While reading through another history book, Bartolome De Las Casas' A Short Account of the Destruction of the Indies, I found my, otherwise strong, stomach actually turning at the horrific suffering done, at the hands of Christians, to the peoples of Latin America.

"It is my considered opinion that the greatest obstacle that stands in the way of the pacification of the New World, and with it the conversion of the people to Christ, is the harshness and cruelty of the treatment metered out by 'Christians' to those who surrender. This has been so harsh and so brutal that nothing is more odious nor more terrifying to the people than the name 'Christian', a word for which they us in their language the term yares, which means 'demon'. 

The questions I find myself pondering are these: why does so much violence, hatred, harm, and sheer evil persist in the domain of that which is taught as/and meant to be peaceful, loving, kind?  Does the basis of absolute truth breed such vileness? Is it just the nature of some--personal choices to do evil--masked by a religious front; would these do harm no matter what label they wore?

Abraham Lincoln, in his second inaugural address, speaking of the North and South said, "Both read the same Bible, and pray to the same God; and each invokes His aid against the other..." Being a lover of history, I ponder events such as our Civil War, and even evils such as slavery, and I find more questions than answers. On both sides, as is often the case, one can find religious backings of the justness of their cause. Why do religions seem to play such a drastic role in the making of historical wickedness? Is this a reasonable question or is it a stretch to imply this?

I will never suggest that all people who confess a devotion to a certain belief system are evil, harmful, or vile. This is simply not true or rational. I am grateful to know many peace-loving Muslims, Christians, Jews, Atheists, and the like, who are passionately devoted to a more peaceful world. Even amongst today's evils, I know that peace is possible. I believe it is the result of an inward journey, past religious beliefs and personal differences; as we experience a deeper connection with each other, peace will flourish.

A fellow seeker

I thought to share a quick post to introduce a blog I've recently come across: Leaving Your Religion 

The Autor, Jim Mulholland, was a United Methodist and Quaker pastor for twenty years. He has this to say:

“When I left my religious home, I didn’t know what to expect.  It wasn’t always easy.  There was sadness and pain.  There were also many pleasant surprises.  Eventually, what felt like wandering into the wilderness became a wonderful adventure.”

Many times, I find myself reading his description of a certain feeling or thought and thinking, "Exactly!" Give it a read and let me know what you think. 

Enjoy your journey wherever it may lead. Peace to you.

Yet it is Still Me

Yet it is Still Me

Those same little hands that got into everything

Are still curious about the world around them.

That innocent smile that worked its way out of trouble

Is even more intense today.

The laughter that exploded with every tickle

Runs more deeply because of pure happiness.

It is still me.

My future that you saw while tucking me in

Was not the path laid out for me.

Husband, wife, children to follow

Happiness seldom arrives in a predefined box.

Although I try to make you proud

I learned that I must make myself proud first.

Yet it is still me.

You wished me happy and kind in life

I awake with a smile on my face.

You prayed for peace and joy

I sleep like a child in a mother’s embrace.

You hoped for a long and prosperous life

My soul lives each day in wonder.

It is still me.

Kristin Casey 2014

--to parents who struggle with their child's coming out. Peace.

--dedicated to my parents who shower my wife with love.

A Peace of our Own

Over the last few weeks, equality has taken off into a sprint. Amongst the gays being blamed for Ebola, paper cuts, the common cold, and the decline of straight marriage, (I made up the middle two) many people, who may have previously held other opinions, have started to see the value of equality along with the illogical-ness of inequality. They’ve evolved, to use a common phrase. This is beautiful to me. In this sense, evolving means that you have invested time in thinking through aspects of a certain topic and have come to a conclusion different from the one previously held because of new information or insight. This is the exact mindset that I believe will lead us to a more peaceful society. And although the voices of the naysayers are often blaring, their numbers are minuscule and shrinking.

I have evolved, gratefully so. Many of my family members and friends have evolved as well. This makes me happy. We all grew up being fed the same [mis]information, but most of us have succeeded in thinking through things life with logical, compassion, and honesty. These are three key ingredients, I believe. The nature of my journey was one that led me out of religion before I was ever able to acknowledge that I was gay, (these two journeys were related, but not dependent upon one another) but many others have clung to their faith while coming out; at times, it has been their greatest comfort, but yet, sadly, their condemner. I hold a sincere compassion for these who have stayed within their faiths, their resilience is commendable. Thankfully, many, many people of faiths are evolving. A great deal of this evolution has been spurred on from the realization that someone they love is, in fact, gay. This has been the big bang in many evolutions including mine.

It is much easier to condemn what you do not first love. It must be easy to say, I will raise my child “right” and they will not “become” gay, but it is a completely different journey to shed tears over that child you love, as you watch them being torn apart inside by self-condemnation, as they try to rid themselves of this supposed evil to no avail. It saddens me to see family members choose their man-interpreted beliefs over that precious son, daughter, brother, or sister, but it happens. What a shame.

Today, specifically within the Christian faith, there are voices rising up to guide the way towards logic, compassion, and honesty concerning the issue of homosexuality. (Although I am speaking specifically on this issue, this process of evolution can be used for most of today’s dividing topics.) I will link to them below because I see this as extremely important. It is time to put this issue to rest. Having lived most of my life as a devoted follower of Christ, ministers’ kid and, later, minister, I am all too familiar with the teachings that are there, but I am also familiar with the harm many of these teachings are still doing. Far too many Christians, straight or gay, out or closeted, live their lives in the grips of self-condemnation. As I mentioned earlier it is time to evolve towards peace. Peace is achieved not through religion, but through allowing each other the freedom to search out this peace through their own journey. The my-religion-is-the-absolute-truth mentality can be seen in the backdrop of many of today’s un-peaceful situations throughout our world.

The day I looked inward and realized the restlessness within my own soul, was a day that filled me with compassion for others. Seeing my judgmental heart towards others’ journey (disguised with religious jargon) broke part of the hold that religion had held upon me. This journey inward frightened me at first, but yet led me to a depth of happiness I had not known. I want peace for myself and for you as an individual. I want peace for our nations and peoples in turmoil and for this earth itself. It is time we stop dictating others’ journey towards peace and start living our own path of peace. Only then, do I believe we will find the collective peace we all seek. 

Give these some thought:

John Shore

Kathy Baldock--Canyon Walker Connection

Matthew Vines--The Gay Debate

Peace to you. 

No Christians Were Harmed...

Forgive my absence. I have been in training for a new (and wonderful) job that has occupied my brain for the last few weeks. I've made my wife suffer through the daily recap of my trainings, so I'll spare you the pain. 

What a week this has been though. Two years ago, before we married, we were discussing marriage equality over dinner. Being much more optimistic, my wife had said we'd see equality in Kentucky in just a few years; I disagreed and said it would be at least ten more years. While equality has not yet found its way into Kentucky, at least officially, I believe my wife was much more accurate than me in my pessimistic view. 

Moving to New York and finally having the freedom to marry the soul that made me come alive was such a freeing moment. Equality once again leaped forward this week...and what a leap it was! Beautiful friends in Oklahoma could finally get married. We watched a video as they told their young daughter, and the joy in her eyes was captivating. I can't stop thinking about their beautiful little family and how utterly wrong it was to deny them marriage. I imagine all the wonderful moments they share with their bright, feisty young daughter and how those precious moments will shape her into a loving, compassionate, productive member of society. They were already a family in the truest sense of the word, but now they will have the legal acknowledgement and protection that just might help them sleep a little easier at night. 

Part of my new training was, as expected, a series on discrimination and workplace harassment. The day I realized that I was in such a protected category was an odd feeling. Having never really dealt with any sort of discrimination, except the common gender discrimination within religion, it truly changed my perspective and was quite a moving experience. The training was beautifully done and set in a tone of fairness, respect, and inclusion. It even went a bit further to discuss, in great detail, religious and non-religious discrimination. After one of the sessions, one of my new co-workers said that it is sad that such things have to be taught. He went on to explain that one's own integrity and common courtesy should guide a person towards respecting others' life, choices, and happiness. We agreed that this world would be so much more peaceful, if we focused on living our own lives and finding our own happiness instead of dictating how others should live theirs.

Amongst the bombardment of same-sex-marriage-is-from-satan backlash that followed this past weeks' equality leap, my co-workers' words came back to me. We've got to get past this kind of thinking for our own good. In no shape, form, or fashion, did my friends' new marriage hurt anyone. Period. No Christians were harmed in the making of this marriage. Just fyi, as far as I know, these two beautiful souls are Christians, so chew on that for a while. (And just a little extra food for thought while you're chewing: one of the most astonishing illustrations of this week paralleled the states of the sixties that were against interracial marriage; sadly, it was almost identical to those of today that still defiantly stand so strongly against marriage equality...this needs to be given some serious thought.)

We are all guided by some sort of personal belief and moral compass. What guides you, does not necessarily have to guide me. I try to look at it from a common good standpoint, and when my personal belief starts slapping you in the face, or worse...causing harm, I have crossed the line. (Social issues take on a particularly harmful tone when they become underpinned with religious beliefs.) We can do this, you know? We can learn to live peaceable with each other, but we must first remember to respect others' beliefs and way of life as we respect our own. Or as someone else one said, "So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets." (Matt. 7:12)

And with that, I leave you these beautiful numbers. Peace to you.
(freedomtomarry.org)

In 30 states - AK, CA, CO, CT, DE, HI, ID, IA, IL, IN, ME, MD, MA, MN, NC, NH, NJ, NM, NV, NY, OK, OR, PA, RI, UT, VA, VT, WA, WV and WI, plus Washington, D.C. - same-sex couples have the freedom to marry. 

In an additional five states - AZ, KS, MT, SC, and WY - federal appellate rulings have set a binding precedent in favor of the freedom to marry, meaning the path is cleared for the freedom to marry there.

In an additional 8 states, judges have issued rulings in favor of the freedom to marry, with many of these rulings now stayed as they proceed to appellate courts: In AR, FL, KY, MI, and TX, judges have struck down marriage bans, and in LA, OH and TN, judges have issued more limited pro-marriage rulings.

In MO, the marriages of same-sex couples legally performed in other states are respected.