Kindness

Let’s face it; we all have people in our lives that are harder to get along than others. And if we really want to be honest, we’ll admit that we might even be those people who are harder to get along with in someone else’s life.  Yes, I find it hard to believe that there might be someone in this world who doesn’t adore my sense of sarcasm or think my worldview is the greatest, but the small chance that there is that someone exists!

But in all honesty, there are times when kindness is difficult. I have been struggling with this in certain arenas of my life lately. I think most of us ultimately want to be kind, but we often struggle due to anger, frustration, or even hurt.

Someone said recently, “I let the other person set the tone; if they're rude, I will not waste my time being nice to them.”  Admittedly, this option is tempting, I've even chosen it in certain situations, but by choosing the reactionary way, we relinquish control over the situation; do we really want the rude, the obnoxious, the inconsiderate to be in control of human interactions?

There are times when I have honestly given it my best shot to change the tone of a situation with an impolite person, but failed. But on the other hand, there are times, when I have responded in calloused, reactionary ways that have left me truly disappointed with myself.

I’ve decided that kindness is not for the weak for it appears to be the more difficult choice.  This week, in one of the above situations, I have repeatedly told myself to err on the side of kindness, if I must err. It has taken quite an effort, and I have failed at times, but I am happier with myself when I aim towards kindness, rather than react to the unkindness of others. With this choice, I have peace of mind and a clearer conscience, which, in turn, deescalates tensions in the atmosphere and lets me go home at night and sleep at ease.

I’ll leave you with the Metta Bhavana; a mantra that I find particularly helpful in situations such as these:

May you be well

May you be happy

May you be peaceful

May you be filled with lovingkindness

***As is my life, this blog is a work in progress; my desire is to facilitate constructive and respectful conversations about life and our collective journey towards peace. It has become an obsession. Please add "your two cents worth" below, and feel free to share this blog. The more the merrier! Understanding ourselves helps us understand others; therefore bringing us one step closer to attaining peace.***

CoExist

Coexist. This concept has always made a lot of sense to me. I’ve heard sermons concerning the dangers of such ideas, but I struggled to align myself with such viewpoints. Yes, probably because I was already struggling with the actual existence of a one true god, but even as a missionary, yes, you read that correctly, I struggled to find the words I needed to condemn another’s faith. I had a hard time wrapping my head around the concept of the absolute rightness of my religion and the absolute wrongness of yours. This viewpoint, no matter what religious label you wear, brings strife and violence into situations, while most of us simple long for peace.

Recently, at the National Prayer Breakfast, (I will not even touch the shady lines between church and state at this point) President Obama caused quite a stir by speaking on religions in general as instruments of good, but also of deplorable evils. (Notably, a small section of an otherwise very Christian speech.) Those offended by these comments have gone off the deep end to defend Christianity as nothing like those other horrible religions that do harm. Seriously though, we can’t honestly believe this, right? Are we so far removed from history that we’ve forgotten the horrors caused in the name of Christ? This is not to point a judgmental finger towards Christianity, all religions have followers who use their distorted beliefs as justification for atrocities, but it is to point our focus towards the broader picture. Denying Christianity’s evil side, as it were, seems only to lead to the weakening of a Christian’s actual witness. Any and all religions have one major ingredient in common…humans. And like anything else that humans are even remotely involved in, there will be beautiful potential for good and a shocking potential for evil.

Last week, I met a charming old man from Egypt. As I worked, we talked and laughed about nothing in particular; from start to finish we spent, perhaps, only ten minutes together. I’m quite sure we’ll never meet again, but before he left, he reached up and grabbed my hand across the counter. As he looked directly into my eyes, he said, “Thank you for being kind. I don’t get that from many people.” Then he turned and walked away. The intense look in his eyes is still with me. This story is not to say that I did anything noteworthy, for I don’t think I did, but it serves as a dramatic reminder to me: Kindness makes a difference. As the Dalai Lama has said, “This is my simple religion. No need for temples. No need for complicated philosophy. Your own mind, your own heart is the temple. Your philosophy is simple kindness.” I will never know this man’s background, his experiences, his religion, his views, but it seems that for a simple moment, I touched his life in a way that I’ll never fully comprehend. At that moment, there was no religion, there was only human interaction. Choices and the intentions of the heart make moments beautiful or harmful—whatever label is designated to the individual by society.

My parents are kind, compassionate, loving Christians, but had we been born in India, there’s a good chance that they would be kind, compassionate, loving Hindus, although I cannot know this for sure. My parents and others that I know, give Christianity a good name. I also know several Muslims, Buddhists, and Atheists who give their respective worldviews good names. Sadly, the opposite can be said as well. Having worked in the dark side/politics of Christianity as a minister, I’ve seen and experienced the ugly potential for harm that lies within the Church walls. It is the individual and personal choices that make the difference.

As the President said in his speech, “…we are summoned to push back against those who try to distort our religion—any religion—for their own nihilistic ends.  And here at home and around the world, we will constantly reaffirm that fundamental freedom—freedom of religion—the right to practice our faith how we choose, to change our faith if we choose, to practice no faith at all if we choose, and to do so free of persecution and fear and discrimination.” I have chosen a different path other than religion, but I do not think it beneficial to force you to walk the same path I have chosen. We must all have the freedom of our own journey, and we must be faithful to that freedom for others. The vast majority of all peoples desires peace; may this desire bind us together as we focus on our commonalities and learn to better coexist.