Come Thou Fount

Sunday mornings are simply beautiful. I wake up late, I try to cook up a spectacular breakfast, we drink a peaceful cup of coffee, catch up on the news, and we just take....our....time. Our tiny space in New York is situated within a short walk to several churches; throughout the morning we are serenaded by church bells. More often than not, they are hymns that I have known and still believe to be beautiful pieces of music.  Yesterday was no exception; Come Thou Fount filled the neighborhood and I was taken back to my fondness of this particular hymn and the emotions it once stirred within.

During my last few years of ministry, many of these hymns received a modernization, if you will, by many of the popular worship leaders/musicians of that time. Come Thou Fount  received a most beautiful "upgrade" by David Crowder Band. (beautiful in my humble opinion) We played it often on Sunday mornings. Here is a section of the lyrics: (emphasis is mine)

Come, Thou Fount of every blessing,

Tune my heart to sing Thy grace;

Streams of mercy, never ceasing,

Call for songs of loudest praise.

Teach me some melodious sonnet,

Sung by flaming tongues above.

Praise the mount! I’m fixed upon it,

Mount of Thy redeeming love.

O to grace how great a debtor

Daily I'm constrained to be!

Let Thy goodness, like a fetter,

Bind my wandering heart to Thee:

Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,

Prone to leave the God I love;

Here's my heart, O take and seal it;

Seal it for Thy courts above.

Yesterday, as this tune echoed throughout the neighborhood, I remembered how passionately I once sang this song. In Leaving God; Finding Me, I describe my struggle with doubt--my wandering heart, as it were--and I recalled the desperation within as I sang these lines above. I desired to be fixed. It was a bit of a frantic prayer to a God that I wasn't sure existed. I was convinced that the doubt I carried was some fault of mine. I'd done something wrong. Somewhere along the way I'd missed a key ingredient in my experience, and I just needed to figure out what I was missing in order to stop the constant stream of doubt. Lucky for me, that day never came. 

The Sunday morning church bells remind me just how much my life has changed in ten years. They remind me of the profound peace I now enjoy; they remind me of how happy I am to be honestly and fully me without the constant doubts and striving. My journey towards peace led me out of religion, but others have found their peace while staying in their religion. The important part of this thing called life is this honesty within one's own soul that allows for each journey to be experienced with an air of acceptance and understanding. When we allow each other the room to breath and walk the path within our hearts, we become stronger as a whole.