My Journey with Buddhism

I am not a Buddhist, in the average sense of the word, but I cannot deny the crucial role Buddhism has played in my journey towards finding myself. It wasn't an intentional step, but it was an accidental stepping stone that seemed to appear out of nowhere when I needed it the most.

As Christianity was crumbling out from under me, in hindsight, I was frantically looking for something to grasp on to; I felt much like being on the edge of cliff and as the ground beneath me gave way, I was searching the edge of the rocks, as I began to fall, for a branch or something to keep me from falling into the abyss. I was in full-blown panic mode. Ironically, as I got know Buddhism, or better yet, as I got to know myself through Buddhism, I learned the important concept of groundlessness. As Pema Chödrön explains so well, groundlessness is simply becoming okay with life's messiness and relaxing with the ever-shifting, ever-changing aspect of our journey on this earth. As I was able to relax and stay present within these moments, no matter how terrifying or unsettling they felt to me, I stumbled upon a freshness of life that I truly didn't know existed.

Another key concept, that perhaps sounds too simple, was the awakening of compassion towards myself. Simply put, I was learning to become friends with myself. I was wading through loads of confusion, stress, and disappointment; I truly didn't know where to go from here, but I started meditating on these few simple concepts. Through this experience, I learned to love myself and relax. This led to the awakening within that continues to this day. A life-altering experience that I ponder often, but one that I find difficult to put into words.

As a way of life, a mindset, a philosophy, Buddhism has meant the world to me and opened my heart to understand myself and live my journey to the greatest depths. It led me to a peace within when nothing around me seemed peaceful. It awakened a magnificent compassion for myself and for others. Perhaps, I steer clear of calling myself a Buddhist because I so often find myself leery of religious labels these days, but luckily, Buddhism takes no slight from this standpoint. Buddhism encourages a true-ness to oneself that allows me the freedom to breathe, be me, and live this journey for which I am so grateful. As I was grasping for anything to hold on to, I learned that real freedom and peace come from settling into the moment and learning not to grasp.

 When there is great disappointment we don't know if that's the end of the story; it may be just the beginning of a great adventure. 

Pema Chödrön

And if you are interested in an amazing book that I think you will find challenging and encouraging no matter what your viewpoint or background: When Things Fall Apart - Pema Chödrön

My Stepping Stone of Buddhism

In talking with a co-worker today, I recalled what a beautiful role Buddhism has played in my journey towards peace. I've come to cherish many of the concepts I've learned within this way of life. It was a refreshing view of the world around me, a way of looking at myself without the tainted lens of guilt and condemnation, and the permission to live in the present moment and just be.

As I first began to acknowledge (to myself) my doubts in God, I found great insight and wisdom in the teachings of Buddhism. I didn't know much about Buddhism, but an incident in my second semester of university led me to begin my investigation. In a World Religions course, my professor mentioned the dates of Buddha's, Siddhārtha Gautama, life (c. 563 - 483 BCE) and a light went off in my brain.

Now, this may seem a no-brainer, but we'd always been taught that all other forms of religion were counterfeit of the one Truth--which we just happened to hold. Counterfeits, by all normal accounts, should come after the original, wouldn't you say? As I pondered those dates, I realized, again, that I needed to investigate another aspect of my belief system and what I'd been taught about other belief systems. And that's exactly what I did. This was the last class of my week and I spent that weekend learning and unlearning many, many things.

As I continue to investigate, I finally stumbled upon the teachings of Pema Chodron. Seeing that my head was still reeling from being out on my ass from the ministry, Pema Chodron's book, When Things Fall Apart, was written for me from start to finish. Within those pages, parts of me began to....awaken, to borrow a Buddhist term. 

"The most fundamental harm we can do to ourselves, is to remain ignorant by not having the courage and the respect to look at ourselves honestly and gently.” 

As these days of searching continued, I would slowly find myself mustering up the courage to do just that--take a good, hard, terrifying, honest, and gentle look at myself and my beliefs and allow myself to discover who I really was and who I wanted to be. These were such beautiful days; my soul had finally found a path towards peace. These were the words I needed to hear in the moment.

If you should ever want a recommendation, Chodron's book ranks high on my list as does Hahn's Good Citizen. Whatever your spiritual state or belief system, I think you'd find great benefit in both of these. I'll leave you with one last piece of goodness:

“We think that the point is to pass the test or overcome the problem, but the truth is that things don't really get solved. They come together and they fall apart. Then they come together again and fall apart again. It's just like that. The healing comes from letting there be room for all of this to happen: room for grief, for relief, for misery, for joy." 

Just breath and let yourself be. Namaste!