We Gotta Give Em Hope

My friends used to say that it took me two hours to explain a one hour movie. I’m guessing I don’t have a future as a movie critic. This is not really a space for movie reviews, but I recently watched one of those movies that stay with you, if you know what I mean. This post is not about critiquing this movie (five stars) or even enticing you to watch it (which you should), but it is about the profound effect it had on me. Out in the Dark was a hard movie for me to watch—I paused it halfway through to get another glass of wine—I was on edge the entire time, but just knowing that there are people who face the issues that were brought to light in this movie, quite simply breaks my heart.

Out in the Dark

In a quick sentence, the movie was about a Palestinian (male) college student who falls in love with a young, Jewish (male) lawyer. That one sentence sets up more problems than most people will face in a lifetime, but these two young men face all of this and more. Like many others, living true to themselves meant putting their lives and their loved ones in danger. It is a cruel world that tells someone they must deny an innate part of themselves in order to live; sadly ironic, to live in this manner is to die a slow death inside. In many ways, this movie touched me personally. Although we are not a Jewish/Palestinian couple, it is not a far-fetched idea that we could have faced similar issues and dangers in the not so distant past. In fact, had we met in my wife’s birth country and not here, we would not even have to look towards the past; being openly gay would very likely not be a feasible survivable option, since gays are still persecuted, oppressed, and even beheaded to this day. (I purposely did not link this reference due to disturbing images, but feel free to search.)

Many things ran through my mind as I watched this film. I found myself profoundly grateful for the life I’ve been given to live. In spite of the fact that a minority of US citizens (yes, it is a minority!) would prefer to keep the basic rights of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness from us, I appreciate a president who has pushed for a more equal, safer country in this regard. Equality makes us stronger as a nation, whether we choose to believe it or not. This movie also brought a scripture to mind, (yes, you read that correctly) to whom much is given, much is required. I have been given much by this life: I have the freedom to follow my path towards happiness, follow my soul towards being genuinely me, and follow my heart to marry the love that I call home.

Stonewall Inn 1969/Today

But to live in the happiness without acknowledgement of certain aspects of my life is to live irresponsibly. Often, when I walk in the city I walk by the Stonewall Inn on Christopher Street.  Seeing the rainbow flags that fly in the Manhattan breeze never fails to move me. I must acknowledge the ones who paved the way for my beautiful marriage and I thank them. We have a ways to go yet, but the fact that I sleep peacefully in our tiny home means their efforts were not in vain.

I must also acknowledge the fact that with my freedom of happiness comes a responsibility to those who still live without such freedom or basic rights. I cannot say “well, I have mine, now you get yours” and stay true to myself or my principles. This concept reaches far beyond the scope of gay rights. My wife once told me that, as a child, she often wondered if anyone out there was thinking of her, knew of her life, or was trying to help her. This image has left such a mark upon my life. Today, there will be individuals who die simply because they are gay; unfortunately, I will not know their names or their stories, but it is my responsibility to use my voice and my life to expose the ignorance that fuels this type of oppression and discrimination in all forms.

You’ve probably heard the saying, “It gets better.” I truly love this phrase because it gives hope, and as Harvey Milk said, “you...gotta give em hope.” Just saying it gets better does not make it so. We have to make it get better; it doesn’t happen on its own. Just as my marriage would not be possible without the efforts of others, present and future generations are relying on us to be the change we want to see in this world. (Mahatma Gandhi) We want better? We must be better. We want peace? We must be peace. We want hope? We must be hope.

***As is my life, this blog is a work in progress; my desire is to facilitate constructive and respectful conversations about life and our collective journey towards peace. It has become an obsession. Please add "your two cents worth" below, and feel free to share this blog. The more the merrier! Understanding ourselves helps us understand others; therefore bringing us one step closer to attaining peace.***