We Gotta Give Em Hope

My friends used to say that it took me two hours to explain a one hour movie. I’m guessing I don’t have a future as a movie critic. This is not really a space for movie reviews, but I recently watched one of those movies that stay with you, if you know what I mean. This post is not about critiquing this movie (five stars) or even enticing you to watch it (which you should), but it is about the profound effect it had on me. Out in the Dark was a hard movie for me to watch—I paused it halfway through to get another glass of wine—I was on edge the entire time, but just knowing that there are people who face the issues that were brought to light in this movie, quite simply breaks my heart.

Out in the Dark

In a quick sentence, the movie was about a Palestinian (male) college student who falls in love with a young, Jewish (male) lawyer. That one sentence sets up more problems than most people will face in a lifetime, but these two young men face all of this and more. Like many others, living true to themselves meant putting their lives and their loved ones in danger. It is a cruel world that tells someone they must deny an innate part of themselves in order to live; sadly ironic, to live in this manner is to die a slow death inside. In many ways, this movie touched me personally. Although we are not a Jewish/Palestinian couple, it is not a far-fetched idea that we could have faced similar issues and dangers in the not so distant past. In fact, had we met in my wife’s birth country and not here, we would not even have to look towards the past; being openly gay would very likely not be a feasible survivable option, since gays are still persecuted, oppressed, and even beheaded to this day. (I purposely did not link this reference due to disturbing images, but feel free to search.)

Many things ran through my mind as I watched this film. I found myself profoundly grateful for the life I’ve been given to live. In spite of the fact that a minority of US citizens (yes, it is a minority!) would prefer to keep the basic rights of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness from us, I appreciate a president who has pushed for a more equal, safer country in this regard. Equality makes us stronger as a nation, whether we choose to believe it or not. This movie also brought a scripture to mind, (yes, you read that correctly) to whom much is given, much is required. I have been given much by this life: I have the freedom to follow my path towards happiness, follow my soul towards being genuinely me, and follow my heart to marry the love that I call home.

Stonewall Inn 1969/Today

But to live in the happiness without acknowledgement of certain aspects of my life is to live irresponsibly. Often, when I walk in the city I walk by the Stonewall Inn on Christopher Street.  Seeing the rainbow flags that fly in the Manhattan breeze never fails to move me. I must acknowledge the ones who paved the way for my beautiful marriage and I thank them. We have a ways to go yet, but the fact that I sleep peacefully in our tiny home means their efforts were not in vain.

I must also acknowledge the fact that with my freedom of happiness comes a responsibility to those who still live without such freedom or basic rights. I cannot say “well, I have mine, now you get yours” and stay true to myself or my principles. This concept reaches far beyond the scope of gay rights. My wife once told me that, as a child, she often wondered if anyone out there was thinking of her, knew of her life, or was trying to help her. This image has left such a mark upon my life. Today, there will be individuals who die simply because they are gay; unfortunately, I will not know their names or their stories, but it is my responsibility to use my voice and my life to expose the ignorance that fuels this type of oppression and discrimination in all forms.

You’ve probably heard the saying, “It gets better.” I truly love this phrase because it gives hope, and as Harvey Milk said, “you...gotta give em hope.” Just saying it gets better does not make it so. We have to make it get better; it doesn’t happen on its own. Just as my marriage would not be possible without the efforts of others, present and future generations are relying on us to be the change we want to see in this world. (Mahatma Gandhi) We want better? We must be better. We want peace? We must be peace. We want hope? We must be hope.

***As is my life, this blog is a work in progress; my desire is to facilitate constructive and respectful conversations about life and our collective journey towards peace. It has become an obsession. Please add "your two cents worth" below, and feel free to share this blog. The more the merrier! Understanding ourselves helps us understand others; therefore bringing us one step closer to attaining peace.***

Conversation with a Stranger

I am fully and completely my father's daughter when it comes to my love of conversing with strangers. Besides the wonderful experience of meeting fellow members of humanity, these moments allow me the opportunity to learn from others' life stories and broaden my viewpoint of this world in which we live. Last night's interaction with a seventy-something year old Armenian professor was no different.

Our conversation struck up based upon his travels.  After several minutes of conversation, I had discovered that this delightful man was headed to Armenia for the centennial commemoration of the Armenian genocide. Thinking to enlighten me on the topic, he acted quite surprised that I already knew of this event. He began to inquire as to how I knew, and looked at me curiously when I told him that my wife was doing research on this topic currently. Honestly, his silence made me wonder for a moment whether I should have mentioned my wife. The conversation went as follows:

-You have a wife?

-Yes, sir, I do.

-You are a girl?

-Yes, sir, I am. We moved to New York and got married. Is that okay?

-Are you kidding me? I just attended the marriage of my wife's niece! Two white dresses, two people in love, it was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen!

He moved back to the more important topic of the genocide and how I came to know about it. I told him my wife was currently studying History and Human Rights and is set on making this world a place where fewer genocides and atrocities happen. I told him of her love for humanity and how she inspires me to live each day in such a way that adds to the collective peace we so desperately need. A beautiful smile appeared upon his face:

-This is good. When you get home please tell her "don't give up." Give her a big hug and a kiss from me.

Hey Jude.

For the last few days, I've awakened with this song in my head. Yesterday I sat down to play it on the guitar; I figured I might as well go with if it is floating around in my head for so long. Ask anyone who knows me and they'll tell you that I am horrible at remembering lyrics, but the one line of this song that has always stuck with me is take a sad song and make it better. In our daily lives, our paths cross with many people who have sad songs within. These sad songs have many different tunes, and they are sung in many different ways: bitterness, unkindness, rudeness, pure sadness, emptiness, to name a few. It is easy to become frustrated by these tunes when they slap us in the face (figuratively, hopefully), and I find myself forgetting to look beyond the obvious and empathize with the sad tune within that sparks these outward displays of harshness.

Take a sad song and make it better. We cannot fix people; the quickest way to make matters worse is to try and fix people. It frustrates us and it usually infuriates them. (Think do unto others...) We can, however, shine light into their lives by they way we act with and react to them. How can we make it better today? We are all in this thing together, and to quote my wise mother, "all God's children got issues." No one has it all together, but the way we respond to and interact with one another either makes the situation worse or better.

It is an easy path to take to say, you want to be rude with me? No problem, I'll be rude right back. It's the easy way out, and if you're happy with the song that is playing in our world at the present moment, then be my guest. But I envision a different song, a happier tune, than the one to which we are currently marching. Let's makes someone's sad song better today. It may not be easy. It starts with us, and while we're doing this, we can also see what song is playing within our own souls and make it better as well. Compassion towards ourselves and others makes for happier songs all around.