Yet it is Still Me

Yet it is Still Me

Those same little hands that got into everything

Are still curious about the world around them.

That innocent smile that worked its way out of trouble

Is even more intense today.

The laughter that exploded with every tickle

Runs more deeply because of pure happiness.

It is still me.

My future that you saw while tucking me in

Was not the path laid out for me.

Husband, wife, children to follow

Happiness seldom arrives in a predefined box.

Although I try to make you proud

I learned that I must make myself proud first.

Yet it is still me.

You wished me happy and kind in life

I awake with a smile on my face.

You prayed for peace and joy

I sleep like a child in a mother’s embrace.

You hoped for a long and prosperous life

My soul lives each day in wonder.

It is still me.

Kristin Casey 2014

--to parents who struggle with their child's coming out. Peace.

--dedicated to my parents who shower my wife with love.

A Peace of our Own

Over the last few weeks, equality has taken off into a sprint. Amongst the gays being blamed for Ebola, paper cuts, the common cold, and the decline of straight marriage, (I made up the middle two) many people, who may have previously held other opinions, have started to see the value of equality along with the illogical-ness of inequality. They’ve evolved, to use a common phrase. This is beautiful to me. In this sense, evolving means that you have invested time in thinking through aspects of a certain topic and have come to a conclusion different from the one previously held because of new information or insight. This is the exact mindset that I believe will lead us to a more peaceful society. And although the voices of the naysayers are often blaring, their numbers are minuscule and shrinking.

I have evolved, gratefully so. Many of my family members and friends have evolved as well. This makes me happy. We all grew up being fed the same [mis]information, but most of us have succeeded in thinking through things life with logical, compassion, and honesty. These are three key ingredients, I believe. The nature of my journey was one that led me out of religion before I was ever able to acknowledge that I was gay, (these two journeys were related, but not dependent upon one another) but many others have clung to their faith while coming out; at times, it has been their greatest comfort, but yet, sadly, their condemner. I hold a sincere compassion for these who have stayed within their faiths, their resilience is commendable. Thankfully, many, many people of faiths are evolving. A great deal of this evolution has been spurred on from the realization that someone they love is, in fact, gay. This has been the big bang in many evolutions including mine.

It is much easier to condemn what you do not first love. It must be easy to say, I will raise my child “right” and they will not “become” gay, but it is a completely different journey to shed tears over that child you love, as you watch them being torn apart inside by self-condemnation, as they try to rid themselves of this supposed evil to no avail. It saddens me to see family members choose their man-interpreted beliefs over that precious son, daughter, brother, or sister, but it happens. What a shame.

Today, specifically within the Christian faith, there are voices rising up to guide the way towards logic, compassion, and honesty concerning the issue of homosexuality. (Although I am speaking specifically on this issue, this process of evolution can be used for most of today’s dividing topics.) I will link to them below because I see this as extremely important. It is time to put this issue to rest. Having lived most of my life as a devoted follower of Christ, ministers’ kid and, later, minister, I am all too familiar with the teachings that are there, but I am also familiar with the harm many of these teachings are still doing. Far too many Christians, straight or gay, out or closeted, live their lives in the grips of self-condemnation. As I mentioned earlier it is time to evolve towards peace. Peace is achieved not through religion, but through allowing each other the freedom to search out this peace through their own journey. The my-religion-is-the-absolute-truth mentality can be seen in the backdrop of many of today’s un-peaceful situations throughout our world.

The day I looked inward and realized the restlessness within my own soul, was a day that filled me with compassion for others. Seeing my judgmental heart towards others’ journey (disguised with religious jargon) broke part of the hold that religion had held upon me. This journey inward frightened me at first, but yet led me to a depth of happiness I had not known. I want peace for myself and for you as an individual. I want peace for our nations and peoples in turmoil and for this earth itself. It is time we stop dictating others’ journey towards peace and start living our own path of peace. Only then, do I believe we will find the collective peace we all seek. 

Give these some thought:

John Shore

Kathy Baldock--Canyon Walker Connection

Matthew Vines--The Gay Debate

Peace to you. 

No Christians Were Harmed...

Forgive my absence. I have been in training for a new (and wonderful) job that has occupied my brain for the last few weeks. I've made my wife suffer through the daily recap of my trainings, so I'll spare you the pain. 

What a week this has been though. Two years ago, before we married, we were discussing marriage equality over dinner. Being much more optimistic, my wife had said we'd see equality in Kentucky in just a few years; I disagreed and said it would be at least ten more years. While equality has not yet found its way into Kentucky, at least officially, I believe my wife was much more accurate than me in my pessimistic view. 

Moving to New York and finally having the freedom to marry the soul that made me come alive was such a freeing moment. Equality once again leaped forward this week...and what a leap it was! Beautiful friends in Oklahoma could finally get married. We watched a video as they told their young daughter, and the joy in her eyes was captivating. I can't stop thinking about their beautiful little family and how utterly wrong it was to deny them marriage. I imagine all the wonderful moments they share with their bright, feisty young daughter and how those precious moments will shape her into a loving, compassionate, productive member of society. They were already a family in the truest sense of the word, but now they will have the legal acknowledgement and protection that just might help them sleep a little easier at night. 

Part of my new training was, as expected, a series on discrimination and workplace harassment. The day I realized that I was in such a protected category was an odd feeling. Having never really dealt with any sort of discrimination, except the common gender discrimination within religion, it truly changed my perspective and was quite a moving experience. The training was beautifully done and set in a tone of fairness, respect, and inclusion. It even went a bit further to discuss, in great detail, religious and non-religious discrimination. After one of the sessions, one of my new co-workers said that it is sad that such things have to be taught. He went on to explain that one's own integrity and common courtesy should guide a person towards respecting others' life, choices, and happiness. We agreed that this world would be so much more peaceful, if we focused on living our own lives and finding our own happiness instead of dictating how others should live theirs.

Amongst the bombardment of same-sex-marriage-is-from-satan backlash that followed this past weeks' equality leap, my co-workers' words came back to me. We've got to get past this kind of thinking for our own good. In no shape, form, or fashion, did my friends' new marriage hurt anyone. Period. No Christians were harmed in the making of this marriage. Just fyi, as far as I know, these two beautiful souls are Christians, so chew on that for a while. (And just a little extra food for thought while you're chewing: one of the most astonishing illustrations of this week paralleled the states of the sixties that were against interracial marriage; sadly, it was almost identical to those of today that still defiantly stand so strongly against marriage equality...this needs to be given some serious thought.)

We are all guided by some sort of personal belief and moral compass. What guides you, does not necessarily have to guide me. I try to look at it from a common good standpoint, and when my personal belief starts slapping you in the face, or worse...causing harm, I have crossed the line. (Social issues take on a particularly harmful tone when they become underpinned with religious beliefs.) We can do this, you know? We can learn to live peaceable with each other, but we must first remember to respect others' beliefs and way of life as we respect our own. Or as someone else one said, "So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets." (Matt. 7:12)

And with that, I leave you these beautiful numbers. Peace to you.
(freedomtomarry.org)

In 30 states - AK, CA, CO, CT, DE, HI, ID, IA, IL, IN, ME, MD, MA, MN, NC, NH, NJ, NM, NV, NY, OK, OR, PA, RI, UT, VA, VT, WA, WV and WI, plus Washington, D.C. - same-sex couples have the freedom to marry. 

In an additional five states - AZ, KS, MT, SC, and WY - federal appellate rulings have set a binding precedent in favor of the freedom to marry, meaning the path is cleared for the freedom to marry there.

In an additional 8 states, judges have issued rulings in favor of the freedom to marry, with many of these rulings now stayed as they proceed to appellate courts: In AR, FL, KY, MI, and TX, judges have struck down marriage bans, and in LA, OH and TN, judges have issued more limited pro-marriage rulings.

In MO, the marriages of same-sex couples legally performed in other states are respected.